The Defenders of Equestria: The Beginning
by TorstenderMilch
Summary: When a young pyromaniac's experiment goes horribly wrong, releasing Celestia and Luna's evil brother, it will be up to him, some friends of his, some random ponies, and the mane 6 to fix it. rated T for violence, swearing, and frequent drug references. a word of warning: i write in a dialect; what you see is how you pronounce it. say dialogues out loud to get them. please R&R.
1. Chapter 1: The Big Mistake

**Chapter 1: The Big Mistake**

It was a very beautiful day in Ponyville; Celestia's sun was shining, the birds were flying about, and the flowers were all in bloom. Splashes of reds and blues and yellows were everywhere. A blue bird decided to fly down and pick up a sandwich that somepony had dropped, but the sandwich was to heavy for the little thing to carry, so it just made do with a little bite of the bread and flew off.

Then, all of a sudden, a dark gray earth pony walked out of his house, which looked just like all the others in Ponyville, only the lawn was just a blackened patch of dirt, and the house was entirely painted (or charred) black. He had a dark gray coat, black mane with an orange streak which he had combed back in a kind of mullet, a slightly short tail with a similar orange streak, and a cutie mark that looked like a cartoony explosion. He was holding a little cloth pouch with a string coming out of the top, and a book of matches. He then proceeded to an old abandoned dirt field, where he put the pouch down and took out a match, and he was about to strike it when...

"Hand Grenade, wait!" cried a very sweet and innocent sounding female voice.

"For what, you'll just take the bomb away!" Hand Grenade called back. His voice was rather high pitched for someone his age, but not anywhere close to Justin Beiber level. He turned around, only to be rammed into by a sky blue pegasus mare with a pink mane and a cutie mark that looked like a marijuana leaf, who landed right in his face. She smelled of marijuana, cocain, rotten meat, and used kitty litter.

"Crystal, what the hay?" Hand Grenade struggled to get this out because her leg was cutting off his breathing because it was sitting on his neck, a pose she had not quite intended to land in, but what happened happened.

"Hey, Lemon Blossom told me to," she said defensively. Her voice was dragging a little bit, as though she were on a _lot_ of marijuana, and it was kind of hoarse, too, and her pupils were _very_ dilated.

"No I didn't!" screamed the sweet sounding pony, Lemon Blossom. She was a pale yellow unicorn with a bright yellow mane in a very cute looking manecut, and a cutie mark of a beautiful lemon flower. "I told you to stop him before he got hurt!"

"Which meant _tackle_ him!" Crystal screamed back at her, and she got off of Hand Grenade.

"Crystal Meth, what are we gonna do with you," Lemon said sarcastically. "And _don't_ say to give you more weed! I'm tired of you asking that!"

"Anyway," Hand Grenade started, only to be interrupted by Lemon Blossom.

"Why are you out here? What were you doing? Don't you know these explosives are dangerous? Remember the incident with the onion!"

That time with the onion was an especially hilarious one. One day, about two years ago now, Hand Grenade had hollowed out the inside of an onion, filled it with gunpowder, attached a fuse, lit it, and realized he hadn't let go of it, all in that order. He was _extremely_ lucky to get out of that with only a broken rib and a slightly burned hand. That wasn't the first time one of his "experiments" went wrong, though. In fact, every time he lights a fuse, it goes wrong somehow, whether it was him being an idiot or the bomb just didn't go off the right way (or at all).

"Relax, Lemon," he said. "I learned from my mistakes. What could possibly go wrong?"

"You never know, Hand Grenade," replied Lemon Blossom, now taking a sip of the lemonade she had brought in a small leather saddlebag she always carries at her side.

"Just let me do this, and Crystal!" called Hand Grenade, looking at Crystal, who was playing with the bomb. "Get over here! I don't trust you with that bag."

Crystal Meth reluctantly yet obediently put down the pouch and flew over to Lemon Blossom, who was already seeking cover for when this when awry. Hand Grenade then took out a new match, struck it, lit the fuse, and this time remembered to get the hay away from the bomb. He had made the fuse for fifteen seconds, so he had plenty of time to get away from it. He regrouped with the others and watched the fuse get shorter. It quickly disappeared behind the cloth of the pouch. The fuse should hide in the pouch for at most five seconds. He counted, _one, two, three, four..., FIVE_! Nothing. No boom-boom. They all waited for about another fifteen seconds, and nothing happened.

"Well," sighed Hand Grenade, "that must be how I messed up this one." He walked over to his creation to clean it up, but just after he had taken three steps it went off. BOOM! It was bigger than he had expected. It almost burned his mane. Huge clumps of dirt were flying everywhere, and one of the larger ones hit Crystal square in the head.

After the explosion was over, Crystal exclaimed, "Let's do that again!" and she collapsed, knocked unconscious by the huge rock that impacted with her head.

"Uh, I don't think we should, Crystal," said Hand Grenade, and with that Crystal was up and about again, asking why. "_That's_ why," he replied, and pointed to the odd looking statue of a male alicorn with a glowing crystal ball on the base.

Just then, a beam of purplish light shot to the heavens from the statue, and along it rode a purplish figure that vaguely resembled a pony. The figure then materialized into an alicorn almost identical to the statue. He had a white coat, gray mane, and a cutie mark of a large, black sword.

"I AM DEMONIUS!" said this alicorn in the Royal Canterlot Voice entwined with a slight English accent. He looked at Hand Grenade. "AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE FREED ME, I SHALL WREAK HAVOC ON THIS PITIFUL LAND, AND NOTHING SHALL STOP ME! GRA HA HA HA!"

"So, _THAT'S _how I mess this one up," said Hand Grenade.


	2. Chapter 2: The Team

**Chapter 2: The Team**

Hand Grenade was feeling pretty guilty after hearing what this "Demonius" had said. And then he thought, _Wait! If I set him free, I should put him back._ And with that he ran off to the Ponyville library, leaving Crystal and Lemon Blossom far behind him. He got there very quickly, only to be stopped right outside the tree-house by a mob of very confused ponies.

"What the hay was that?" said a magenta earth pony with a purple mane.

"What did it mean, 'destroy this pitiful land'?" said a light yellow one with an orange mane.

"How do I stop it?" yelled out Hand Grenade, and with that, the crowd went silent for a minute, then started laughing.

"I mean it!" exclaimed Hand Grenade, getting a little angry at everypony laughing at him. And with that, the crowd went silent again.

"_You_ don't," said Twilight Sparkle, walking out of the library and lining up with Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity, levitating a book right behind her. "Me and my friends will figure that out ourselves."

"But you don't understand, I set it free," argued Hand Grenade, and the crowd gasped slightly. This demanded an explanation. "I was setting off another one of my bombs, and I blew up enough dirt to uncover the statue of him, which set him free. I have to help, I have to redeem myself for possibly dooming Equestria."

"He's right, my young pupil," said a female voice from the heavens, and then Princess Celestia appeared above the library, accompanied by Luna. The crowd bowed to them, and Crystal and Lemon had just caught up to Hand Grenade when they realized that the princesses were there. Crystal all of a sudden got _very_ shy: she didn't want Celestia or Luna to discover that she was high.

"Twilight," she continued, "this young colt has damaged the statue that we imprisoned our brother in years ago to keep order. I'll tell you more about that later. What's important now is that you gather a small army of specialized ponies to defeat him. And it looks like you already have a volunteer."

"Make that two," said a rather large centaur, carrying a huge bow and a leather pouch filled with something green.

"Okay, that's two..."

"SEVEN, NOW," exclaimed a light gray, cross-eyed pegasus by the name of Derpy Hooves.

"O-kay, three," Twilight said. "Anyone else?"

"Oh, screw it," yelled out Crystal Meth. "Count us in!"

"Us?" said a bewildered Lemon Blossom. "What do you mean, us?"

"I mean, _you_ were there, so _you_ should help, too," answered Crystal. They were attracting a lot of attention. Lemon Blossom didn't really like attention, so she reluctantly agreed to go.

Just then, another pony, an earth pony in a kind of ninja robe, said, in a California dude accent, "Dude, I'm in! This sounds like fun!"

"Count us in, too," said a small filly named Applebloom. The others she was referring to were her two friends, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

"No way, kiddo," said Applejack, Applebloom's older sister.

"Applejack, Ah can handle myself," argued Applebloom. "And besides, you'll be there to watch after me."

"No means no, girls," replied Applejack. "That's final."

"Aaawwww," the fillies chorused, and they sulked away. After they had phased back into the crowd, one could hear a slight giggle from Scootaloo.

"Anyone else?" asked Twilight. When she got no response, she said, "Okay, that's it...Oh, wait. Where's Spike?"

"I'm right here!" screamed the young dragon, running out the door of the library. He was carrying a sack full of precious gems, probably for him to snack on in the days to come.

"Okay, Princess," said Twilight. "That's everyone, I guess."

"All right, my little ponies, brace yourselves. This may be a bit bumpy for inexperienced teleporters." Hand Grenade and Crystal Meth both gulped loudly, for they had never teleported before. And right then, with a loud poof, they were gone.


	3. Chapter 3: Commander Loud Mouth

**Chapter 3: Commander Loud Mouth**

Hand Grenade blacked out after the spell had been cast, and it seemed like forever until he had woken up. When he finally came to, he was in Canterlot Palace, an honor that very few Ponyville ponies got to have. It was even more spectacular than he had imagined it: the floors were covered in a soft, beautiful red carpet, the walls and stairs were made with only the most ornate of stone, there was a huge chandelier, and the windows...oh, the windows. There was a set of _beautiful_ stained glass windows above Princess Celestia's throne, and all sorts of them spanned across the rest of the hall, looming about twenty feet above the floor. Hand Grenade was simply appalled by the beauty and atmosphere of the castle. But he couldn't focus on the castle: he had a mission to do.

"So, what do we do?" he asked.

"Leave that to Commander Loud Mouth," replied Luna. "He'll tell you all that you need to know."

"So, where is he?" asked Crystal. She seemed to be sobering up now, which is weird because she's only sober when you can get her away from drugs for more than 24 hours, or she has the opportunity drink enough root beer to fill all of Sweet Apple Acres twelve times over (she really likes root beer).

"Right here!" said a very gruff sounding voice from behind them. Everypony turned their heads to see a tan earth-pony with a white mane with a military buzz cut, and he wore a green army uniform. His cutie mark was a bullhorn.

"Oh, the _horror_!" shrieked Rarity. "That outfit with _that_ manecut! How can you live wearing such an utter, oh, what's the word I'm looking for? _Monstrosity._"

"Hon, let me tell ya this once so that Ah don't have to tell ya twice," said Loud Mouth, a Texas accent coming out in his voice now. "Ah have three rules: 1. Don't disobey a direct order 2. Don't ever assault your superior officers, and 3. Never, and Ah mean _NEVER_, TALK ABOUT HOW ME _OR_ MY DAUGHTER LOOK! YA GOT THAT!"

Everypony agreed in their own different ways. Already they had all come to hate him.

"Speaking o' my daughter, Butterscotch, git out here!" called Loud Mouth, and an adorable, small, light brown filly with a darker brown mane walked shyly and cutely through the door at the end of the throne room.

"Yer puttin' a filly that size through a _war_?" yelled Applejack.

"Make that four!" said a voice that was familiar to Applejack. _Too_ familiar.

"Applebloom! What are ya'll _doin'_ here!" screamed Applejack.

"Applejack, were not foals anymore," argued Applebloom.

"And besides, if we can get past the guards here so well, we may be of some use on this mission," said Scootaloo

"Wait, you outsmarted the guards?" asked Celestia, who was very bewildered after hearing this.

"I'll explain later," responded Applebloom. "Right now we have Equestria to save."

"Fine," Applejack sighed. "But ya'll owe me for this, especially if ya get hurt."

"So," said Loud Mouth. "We have four small fillies, a sorceress, a redneck, a typical stoner, an idiot, fashion designer, a useless heap, a wannabe ninja, a centaur, and a pyromaniac, who, might Ah add, caused this problem. This'll take some work."

"What will?" asked Pinkie Pie, kind of feebly.

"Whippin' yer asses into shape, o' course," answered Loud Mouth.

"Watch your language in my castle, Loud Mouth!" commanded Celestia. "You know I don't like those kinds of words."

"Whatever."

"Anyway, how long will it take to train them all?" asked Luna.

"Ah can do it in a matter of hours, if Ah really try, and if they cooperate with my plans," Loud Mouth replied.

"Great, because you have to get back to your own regiment ASAP," said Celestia.

"You're right," said Loud Mouth. "That band of misfits can't figure out how to even change a light bulb without me there."

"Just train us!" yelled the ninja pony, and everypony laughed a little.

"Fine, _Kunai_," Loud Mouth said sarcastically (little did he know that he just got the ninja pony's real name exactly right. Talk about irony). "You're first in the obstacle course. Follow me." And so everypony followed him outside to the obstacle course, which was normally meant to be a trial for ponies trying to join the Equestria Military.


	4. Chapter 4: Training: Day 1

**Chapter 4: Training: Day 1**

The obstacle course was designed by an old Equestrian general who had way to much time on his hands. It was designed mostly to test ponies to see what they were good at, but sometimes it was used as training,

"Okay, ninja-colt," said Loud Mouth. "Since you just _had_ to have that little outburst in the throne room, I'll let you figure out in what order you're supposed to do the obstacle course on your own. And yes, you have to do it in the right order to pass."

"Okay, then. How do I do it?" Kunai asked, and everypony giggled; everypony, that is, except Loud Mouth.

"Very funny," he said. "But it won't be that easy for you."

"Hey, it was worth a shot," Kunai said optimistically, and he proceeded to the start line. Loud Mouth then started to count down.

"Five. Four. Three. Two...One...GO!" and Loud Mouth started a stopwatch.

Kunai just stood there, seemingly doing nothing.

"Any day, now," Loud Mouth said rather unhappily. Kunai just held his hoof out in a way that meant _'shut up or I'll shove this in your mouth_.

About ten seconds had gone by when Kunai finally decided to try something. It looked at first like he was just jumping around on posts. He did this with great precision. He then proceeded to a monkey bars station, which was about a 30 foot stretch of bars that were elevated about 20 feet off the ground, which, instead of solid dirt, was a huge mud pit filled with vines that would snare you and make it really hard to get out. Kunai did the monkey bars, went back to the middle of the set, purposely let go, fell into the mud, and got out with very little difficulty. He then proceeded to a barbed wire course, where he had to crawl under the barbed wire, and if he touched it, well, it's barbed wire. You simply don't touch it. He cleared it with _very_ little resistance. Then, he went to a combination of monkey bars and barbed wire (the old general who designed this course wasn't very creative). He cleared that very quickly, this time without falling. After that he went to a hand-to-hand combat course, which he finished in very little time. When he was done with that he went to a 50 foot long climbing rope, which took very little effort for him to climb. Finally, he went over to an agility station, where darts were fired at him and he had to dodge them. Child's play. His final finishing time was...

"38 seconds!" Loud Mouth said, awestruck. "An' remove that 10 second delay at the beginnin' and ya got yourself a 28! Both of those are new records throughout all of Equestria! Damn, kid. Ya got talent."

"I do this every day," explained Kunai. "If I wanna have that, quote/unquote, 'ninja status', I have to train every day. I guess I've just gotten good at what I do. I just had to take a good look around and I could do it no problem. That's what the delay at the beginning was all about."

"Well, enough about you," said Loud Mouth. "Who's next?"

"Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!" yelled Pinkie Pie. She cleared the course in a matter of about a minute, but it wasn't nearly as precise as Kunai.

After Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash went, and then Twilight, and soon, all of the ponies had gone except Derpy.

"Okay, Bubbles," said Loud Mouth. "Yer up."

"Oh," said Derpy, kind of nervously. "Okay." And she proceeded to the start line. Loud Mouth counted off and she started-by completely destroying the jumping poles, which crashed into the first set of monkey bars. Without even touching them. How do you do that? Even Derpy didn't know.

Things got worse. At the barbed wire station she got the wire coiled up in her tail, which she tried to get out, but failed, miserably. She then broke one of the rungs on the monkey bar-barbed wire combo, still trailing the barbed wire from before. Just after she had finished it, it fell apart out of nowhere. At the hand-to-hand combat station, the dummies just suddenly burst into flames before she could even lift a hoof, and the climbing rope was lit by the flames. When she got to the last station, the agility darts, the dart launchers exploded, sending darts everywhere, except at Derpy.

Loud Mouth and the princesses were devastated. Millions of bits down the drain. They couldn't even take in the fact that she had just destroyed the obstacle course without even touching half of it, much less get out of all that unscathed.

"Well, we know what to use her for," said Luna, trying to fill the silence, but nopony noticed. All they could think of was how much it would cost to replace all that. Forget rebuilding. It's all gone, none of it was salvageable, and with the fire still burning there will be even less to find. Derpy just stood there and tried to look innocent. Nopony bought it.

"How do ya destroy an entire, million bit obstacle course without liftin' a hoof!" said Loud Mouth, actually expecting an answer.

"She does this back in Ponyville, too," said Rainbow Dash. "She once set fire to a rainstorm."

"So _that's_ who that was!" exclaimed Loud Mouth. "That damn near burnt my house down."

"So you live in Ponyville?" queried Pinkie Pie.

"Yes, Ah.."

"How did I not know about you!" yelled Pinkie Pie. "You see, I know everypony, and I mean _every_pony in Ponyville, so how did I not know about you?"

"Ah kept a low profile after Ah moved in," answered Loud Mouth. "The wife had just left me and I was stuck with Butterscotch. Ah only moved in about two years ago. But let's get back to business. We have a monster to destroy, and that won't happen unless Ah train ya in some form of fightin'."

"But we fought off Discord, a changeling army, and Nightmare Moon," said Twilight Sparkle. "Why do we need to train?"

"Because Demonius will not be subdued by the Elements of Harmony alone," Celestia answered, slightly bitterly. She really, _really_ hated admitting that her brother was better than she was. "He is a powerful pony, very skilled with a sword. So _that's_ where you will start, Loud Mouth."

"I can't use a sword, Princess," Loud Mouth confessed.

"Then find something that you can train them in, because magic and The Elements alone won't help them." Princess Celestia was seeming a bit on edge for some reason, and it scared Twilight Sparkle and Hand Grenade.

"OK, OK, I'll get on it."

"Good. Have fun, everypony. Me and Luna have important business to tend to," and they vanished into thin air.

"OK, this certainly _will_ be fun," Loud Mouth said sarcastically. "So, Kunai, you know how to use a sword?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Good, that solves one thing," said Loud Mouth. "Now onto what everypony else'll do."


	5. Chapter 5:

**Chapter 5: The Enemy Makes a Surprise Appearance**

Loud Mouth proceeded in trying to figure out what everypony was going to do. Some ponies were easy, like Twilight Sparkle and Hand Grenade, and others were harder, like Derpy and the fillies. Eventually he got everypony to keep to a specific field: Twilight and Lemon Blossom to their magic (go figure, back in Ponyville they were close friends); the fillies and Spike stuck with stealth, sneaking, and crawling through small spaces; Applejack on hoof-to-hoof combat; Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Derpy were on distractions; Crystal was going to be a foot soldier (Loud Mouth actually found a use of her drug habits); Fluttershy was a nurse; Rainbow Dash seemed to be a useful asset on raids, and could also destroy a lot of stuff with her rainbow nuke trick; Bowstring was not very skilled with a bow, but he could hit what he aimed for, so he was put on that and herbal medicines (that was the green stuff in his pouch from earlier); Kunai was put on bladed weapons; and Hand Grenade was put on explosives productions.

Everypony had gone off and did their own thing; Twilight visited her brother for a few hours, Hand Grenade made a few good incendiary bombs, Bowstring was practicing his aim, etc. Then, it hit them: they had no idea what Demonius was, and he desperately wanted to know (his obsessive-compulsive disorder had something to do with that). Where were the princesses, and why were they neglecting to tell them about Demonius?

"Hey, has anypony ever wondered why we have to fight Demonius?" Hand Grenade thought out loud. _Very_ out loud, because it caught everypony's attention, including Loud Mouth, who didn't really care before that.

"That's a good question, man," said Crystal. "What's his deal? What did he do to lose the trust of the Princesses?"

"I DIDN'T LOSE THEIR TRUST, THEY TRUST ME WITH THEIR LIVES!" said a slightly familiar voice, definitely masculine, and in the Royal Canterlot Voice. Everypony looked around to find where it was coming from, only to find nothing where they looked. Then, a flash of light appeared, and a ponylike figure appeared in it. It materialized with a bright flash, and it looked just like...

"DEMONIUS!" everypony called out. They couldn't believe that he was actually in their presence. Hand Grenade thought that this was the best time to make a move, even though he didn't even have a plan ready at that time.

Hand Grenade took a bomb that he had just made, found a match, lit the fuse, and threw it, forgetting that it was a sticky bomb, meant to be placed on an object and stay there. He managed to get it off of him just in time: the fuse had just about 1 second left until it hit gunpowder, and he managed to throw it. Right at Princess Celestia's throne.

"HA," Demonius chuckled. "YOU CALL THAT AN ATTACK! I'VE SEEN A FILLY WITH MORE SKILL THAN YOU'LL EVER HAVE!"

"What the hay do ya want?" yelled Loud Mouth.

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I WANT, COMMANDER," Demonius replied.

"Okay, can you stop speaking like that!" an angry Rarity spat. "You're scaring that poor filly, and Fluttershy," and she pointed to where Butterscotch and Fluttershy were cowering.

"Sure, Miss Rarity," Demonius said, this time in a regular voice. His voice had the exact same grace that Princess Celestia's had, only it was in a beautiful, aristocratic English accent. "Whatever you say."

"What's going on, we heard..." screamed Princess Celestia, running in to the room, followed closely by Luna. They stopped as soon as they saw Demonius, who was just floating in midair, looking at them.

"Ah, Celestia," he started. "You haven't changed a bit since the last time we saw each other, have you? Luna, on the other hoof...She has grown an _awful_ lot. She's not the cute little filly she was all those years ago, are you, little sis?"

"Don't forget that I'm older than you, Brother," Luna warned.

"It won't matter by the time my armies are unleashed across all of Equestria," Demonius sneered. At this time, the four fillies had come up with a plan to slow him down, and were inching their way to a corner.

"What is your plan, then?" said Celestia, catching on to the fillies plan and trying to stalling him. She knew that if you wanted to know his plans, he would tell you.

"You don't think I'm stupid, do you sis?" Demonius said triumphantly, wising up to her plan (sort of...). "If I tell you my plan, you'll just find any and all weaknesses and exploit them. I cannot let this happen."

"It was worth a shot..."

By now, the fillies had somehow managed to get on top of a chandelier. It was low hanging, low enough that if you swung it just right it would fly right at Sharp Sword's head from where he was hovering.

"OK, everypony," whispered Sweetie Belle. "On three. Ready?" everypony nodded. "One...two...THREE!" and they sent the chandelier flying right at Demonius.

Demonius was in the middle of a rant about how he was going to beat the Princesses when he noticed the chandelier flying right towards his face. The fillies had jumped off long before this moment, and were regrouping with the others, trying to blend in and seem innocent. The chandelier smashed right into Demonius's head with enough force to shatter the entire thing. He fell to the floor, only to get right back up.

"You thought _that_ was going to defeat _me_?" he yelled, his voice starting to creep back into the Royal Canterlot Voice.

"Nope, just distract ya," said Scootaloo. "And it seemed to work, too."

Demonius didn't get what she meant until he heard the distinct sound of a unicorn horn powering up. He barely had time to flinch as a shot of golden-yellow magic hit him and sent him flying. He managed to teleport away from the castle before he smashed into a window.

Celestia stood there for a minute, giving herself some time to cool down. Her horn was smoking terribly. That spell must have been powerful to do that to the Princess. A moment of silence and the Princess fainted.

"Princess!" said Twilight, and all the ponies rushed over to help her up

"It's okay, ponies," Celestia said calmly as she tried to stand on her own. "I'm okay. That was just a very powerful spell, that's all."

"Why would you need a spell that powerful to send him flying?" asked Crystal, who was completely sober now, but fighting her withdrawal symptoms.

"Because Demonius is incredibly strong, and _incredibly_ resilient," Luna responded.

"Princess, we were wondering," started Lemon Blossom. "What exactly is Demonius angry for?"

"I guess it's time I told you," Celestia sighed. She always hated telling that story, and Luna was no better. She motioned for everypony to sit down, because this was a _very_ long story.


	6. Chapter 6: Demonius Revealed

**Chapter 6: Demonius Revealed**

_(Flashback: 1,138 years in the past)_

There was a small, white alicorn colt running through a green, grassy field. Not far behind him was another white alicorn, this time a filly, who was slightly older than he was. Way behind the two was a dark blue alicorn filly, who was somewhere in the middle of the other two's age group. Neither of them had earned their cutie marks yet.

The white filly was quickly catching up with the colt, and she has soon tackled him, the both of them laughing.

"Demonius, you'll have to run faster than that if you want to be a foot soldier," the white filly told the colt.

"So!" the colt, Demonius, said in the same accent he does nowadays. "I'm only 5. I won't be able to run that fast for a few years."

"You can do anything you put your mind to," the white filly told him.

"You are ever the optimist, Celestia," Demonius teased.

"Couldn't you guys have slowed down for me, I'm not as fast as you!" said the blue filly, just catching up to them.

"Luna, I know you can go much faster, you just don't want to _try_," teased Demonius.

"NO, I JUST CAN'T GO ANY FASTER!" Luna screamed angrily, and she started blushing (she was a terrible liar).

"Relax, sis," Demonius said calmly. "I was only teasing. No need to get your hooves in a knot."

"Sorry," Luna backed down, a little embarrassed. She could have quite the temper for some reason she could not explain.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, came a bright flash, and shortly after a loud BANG pierced their ears.

"What in hay was that?" asked a confused and scared Luna, and another bang was heard soon after, this time shaking the earth and causing the foals to fall to the ground.

"What was that!" screamed Luna, scared half to death. "It's scary!"

"Calm down, Luna," Celestia told her sister. "Everything will be OK."

"Look again, Celestia," Demonius said. He was right, there was something very, _very_ wrong going on, and the mountain just to the west of their location was proof. These weird looking creatures that looked like jade green ponies with bat wings were coming from behind the mountain and through the caves in it. They charged the nearby castle, killing all that dared to get in their way.

"What do we do!" Demonius screamed, scared.

"Notsing, but come vith us, or die fillies get es!" answered a demonic voice. Demonius turned around, only to see a ponylike creature with a weird looking crescent shaped horn. It looked like one of those bat-ponies, only at this distance you could see more of the details that separated them from ponies: they all had jade green bodies, they had a red scruff in a thin line on the back of their necks, only some had manes, they had little horns on the tips of their noses, they had paws, and those paws had two sharp claws on them. Some of these ponies had wings unicorn horns, or none, only they were bat wings and the horns looked very weird (they curved down towards the nose in a crescent shape).

Demonius only noticed this one, eh, creature, until he heard a muffled scream. It sounded like...

"CELESTIA!" he blurted out uncontrollably. One of these creatures had her firmly in it's grasp, and another one had Luna. They were holding claws up to their necks.

"Hey! Du! Jetzt!" said the same creature, who then picked up Demonius. It walked them up to the castle, which they had just finished taking over. They threw the foals into a jail cell, which was very cramped, even with their small size. They were wondering what these guys were, so Demonius asked one.

"Excuse me, fine sir," he started off. The creature just looked at him with pure evil and growled.

"Uh, I was wondering, what exactly _are_ you?"

"Wie bitte?" the creature said, not understanding English.

"What?" Demonius asked, not speaking whatever language they spoke.

"I don't think they speak English, Demonius," Celestia informed.

"Oh," Demonius said, defeated. He sulked at his failure (he hated to fail).

"Here, let me try," Luna said. She walked up to the guard and asked "Hi. Was sind Sie?"

"Ich bin einen Dämon." The creature, the 'Dämon', answered.

"Danke, Herr," Luna finished.

"Wha'd he say?" Demonius asked.

"He said he was a demon," she informed.

"Well, that's descriptive," Celestia said sarcastically.

"How do you speak their language!" Demonius practically screamed.

"I used a spell when they were dragging us here that instantly taught me their language, grammar and everything," Luna explained.

"Oh..." Demonius droned.

They sat there for around three hours until a larger demon with both a horn and wings came up to their cell. He opened up the cell door, walked in, closed the door, and sat down. He looked rather calm and nice, but the foals didn't buy it. He still had an aura or pure evil surrounding him, and it was easily noticeable. Luckily, three hours is a long time to sit in a cell, and you _definitely_ have time to make a plan to get out, and this guy was a part of it.

The demon sat there for about a minute before it talked "So, you two are za rulers of zis land, ja?" His voice was monsterlike and sinister, and really deep.

"Oh, goodie, you speak English! We've all been wondering, what exactly are you?" Celestia rushed out.

"Ve are der Dämons," It replied triumphantly. "Ve took over zis land, und you now have to tell everyzing to us."

"Not to be rude, but I don't understand your dialect, sir," Demonius said, trying to stall.

"You know very vell vat I vant!" the Dämon alicorn snapped.

"And, besides, I asked what _exactly_ are you, and I meant it," Celestia helped.

"OCD much?" the Dämon alicorn joked, and laughed, but he was soon cut off by a feminine voice screaming something in Dämish, or whatever the language was.

"It's German!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed from beyond the fourth wall.

"Pinkie, shut up!" Celestia snapped, also from beyond the fourth wall. She was on a short fuse from everything happening lately.

"Vati! Vati!" a feminine voice called out from down the hall from where the Dämon alicorn was.

"Was ist es, Tochter?" the Dämon alicorn asked to the female, who was just a small filly, no older than Celestia. She only had a horn to her, literally: she was a very slight filly, just skin and bones and nothing else.

"Vati, ze ponies sind retaliating!" she told the Dämon alicorn.

"Who is this?" Celestia asked Luna.

"This filly is the big one's daughter," she informed. "And, apparently, she's saying that somepony is trying to win the castle bac..."

"I know that, Luna. You don't have to tell us," Celestia interrupted.

"Sorry. It's the spell," Luna admitted. "I can't tell the difference between English and German."

"Oh."

Suddenly, the castle began to shake. Then, the wall exploded, and a pony was screaming something, but everypony was too startled to understand.

"VAS IST DAS! ICH HABE KEIN ZEIT FÜR DICH! FICK DICH! ICH BIN EIN BERLINER!" the Dämon alicorn screamed.

"What is he saying!" Demonius yelled at Luna, who seemed confused.

"I believe he's saying: What is this? I have no time for you. Fuck you. I am a jelly donut."

"DU!" the Dämon alicorn turned to the foals, leaving his own. "I'll take you for ein minute," and he grabbed Demonius.

"AAAAHHH! Somepony, help!" Demonius cried. But the fillies were too scared to help, much less move.

"Celestia! Celestia!" a voice was crying in the background.

"Stay back!" the Dämon alicorn spat at the voice. "Or ze young colt gets it!" and he held up Demonius, who looked very scared.

The voice stopped, along with the pony, but the screaming of Celestia's name was still going on. It took a minute for her to realize that this screaming was coming from the real world, not a flashback.

_(present time)_

"Celestia! Celestia!" cried the voice, and the pony it came from soon entered the throne room, out of breath. It was the leader of the sniper core, Sharp Shot.

"Sharp Shot, what is it?" Celestia asked, trying to suppress her rage in him for interrupting her story.

"Demonius...army...attack...downtown...Canterlot!" he struggled to get out through breaths.

"WHAT!" Celestia exploded, her voice going into the Royal Canterlot Voice.

"Just look...out the window..." Sharp Shot told her. And he was right: downtown Canterlot was being destroyed; buildings burning and were exploding, ponies were dying, and Demonius was standing on a tall building, watching the event go down.

"Sharp Shot," Celestia said calmly.

"Yes, Princess?"

"GET YOUR FLANK OUT THERE AND SHOOT SOMETHING HOSTILE!" Celestia ordered, kind of ticked off.

"Yes, Celestia," Sharp Shot said, saluted, and left the room.

"Loud Mouth, get outside to your battalion!"

"Yes'm."

"We need to evacuate the the premises, now!" Celestia snapped, just as the castle was hit by something, causing some of the ceiling to fall.


	7. Chapter 7: Escaping the Castle

**Chapter 7: Escaping the Castle**

"How?" Twilight asked, trying to dodge falling ceiling chunks.

"That's up to you to find out, unfortunately," Celestia droned, seemingly disappointed.

"What!" Twilight screamed.

"I only made an escape plan for myself," Celestia admitted. "I never thought about making one for anypony else, because anypony in the castle would usually fight off a threat. I could just fly out through a window or something."

"So, we gotta fight our way out of here?" Lemon Blossom asked, trying not to explode.

"Yes, unfortunately," Celestia answered, and a large chunk of ceiling almost fell right on top of her. She shot it with magic, sending chunks of rock everywhere, including at Crystal's head, knocking her out as she was trying to smoke some cocaine.

"I must get out of here now, my little ponies," Celestia said, making her way out through a broken window. "Good luck."

"OK," Twilight started. "So we are all alone in a castle that is about to be overrun by forces that we don't even know what the _hay_ they _are_, and we have to _make_ our way out! Sometimes the Princess is absolutely _brilliant_, and sometimes I don't know what she was _thinking_."

"Don't worry, leave the fighting to me!" Crystal said, trying to establish her dominance (it was the cocaine's fault).

"Crystal, I know how you work on crack. No thank you!" Rainbow Dash said.

"How about I just blow a way out?" Hand Grenade suggested.

"After what you did to Celestia's throne? NO WAY!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

"Do you have any better ideas, _Loud Mouth_?" Hand Grenade asked, clearly annoyed by Rainbow's arrogance.

"Oh, you do _not_ wanna go there, you dud!"

"That's it!" Hand Grenade charged at Rainbow Dash, jumping to grab her. He got her to the ground when she delivered a kick of her own, sending him flying across the room, and leaving a nasty bruise on his side. He got up, brushed off his side, and charged at Rainbow Dash, hitting her in the jaw. She retaliated quickly from this, and returned a hit of her own: a hit in the gut.

Their fighting went on for about 3 minutes, destroying much of the throne room. Everypony was too distracted by the fight that they didn't notice some sort of demon walk into the room, armed with guns and swords at their sides. They just sat there quietly, watching the fight for a couple minutes, occasionally making witty remarks in some foreign language. It took about a minute for Fluttershy to notice the creatures.

"Um, guys?" she said in her usual quiet manner. Nopony noticed. The creatures were laughing loudly at her shyness, causing her to shy away even more, and, more importantly, to get the attention of the other ponies, even Rainbow and Hand Grenade. They didn't look happy.

"JETZT!" one of them screamed, and a second later, the throne room was filled with these creatures.

"Wait a minute!" Twilight said, getting everypony's attention. "These creatures look a lot like the ones that Celestia described in her story."

"So?" Rainbow Dash snapped, thinking this is no time for a lecture.

"So, these must be Dämons!" Twilight finished.

"So!" Rainbow Dash snapped harder, getting frustrated.

"So, why are the Dämons attacking when they kidnapped Demonius and the Princesses?"

"Who cares right now, Twilight!" Crystal yelled, trying to remove a now attacking Dämon off of her. "Just fight these guys! They're attacking us, so you need to fight them. Listen to your goddess and fight them!"

"What is she on, now?" Twilight asked, just as a Dämon was attacking her.

"I'd say some LSD, maybe some marijuana, we know about the cocaine, and she might have broken into the royal bar recently," Lemon Blossom explained, dodging an attack from another Dämon.

"Damn strait!" Crystal yelled back to her triumphantly, yet a little slurred.

Kunai had drawn a sword and was hacking away at Dämons. His sword sliced through them like a hot knife does butter, and every time he slew one, he mouthed "I'm sorry".

Derpy was just sitting there, trying not to destroy anything. She had managed to (accidentally) wipe out a good portion of the Dämons, and the only collateral damage was the rest of the throne and a window.

The fillies and Spike were getting under the Dämons' feet, distracting them, and allowing Twilight to finish them off. She was simply blasting away with magic.

Pinkie Pie was firing her Party Cannon (yes, it deserves to be capitalized), Rainbow Dash was flying into opponents and distracting them, Rarity was trying to woo one, Hand Grenade was doing his usual, Fluttershy was shying off into a corner, Crystal had managed to give herself another injection of cocaine through the fighting, Bowstring was trying (and failing) to hit a flying Dämon, and Applejack was bucking away. The fighting went on for about 5 minutes until the ponies had defeated the entire army.

"Ok, that's taken care of," Lemon Blossom said. "Now to get the hay out of here."

"Ok, so that means that we're back where started," Kunai said sarcastically. "That's just great!"

"Weyll," Applejack started, "we can fix that eas'ly. Just walk out the door." She walked up to the door, poked it to see if it was safe, and proceeded to open it. Twilight and Lemon had gotten a spell ready, just in case.

Applejack opened the door slowly. It creaked horribly, so horribly that Crystal had to cover her ears (LSD can heighten _all_ the senses). Applejack was waiting to see if a Dämon was waiting outside. When the coast seemed clear, she opened the door all the way, only to reveal about 10 more Dämons.

"Well, back to the old grime!" Crystal yelled quickly. She then injected herself with more drugs and started wailing on the Dämons. She only took about 25 seconds to incapacitate them all, since she was moving very, _very_ fast, due to the cocaine.

After that, the band got to the main entrance without any problems. However, in the main hall, there were about 300 more Dämons.

"Ok," said Bowstring. "Since I can't hit the broad side of Sweet Apple Acres, Hand Grenade, take this. I'm goin' barehoof," and he handed his bow and arrows to Hand Grenade.

"What the hay do I do with this!" Hand Grenade said, looking at him like he was crazy.

"Bomb arrows," Bowstring informed, and leaped into the Dämon army.

Hand Grenade sat there and thought for a minute. He eventually said, "Huh. Not a bad idea," and shot a bomb arrow at a Dämon. It hit, and sent that Dämon flying in multiple directions at once, along with several others. The downside was that one of these Dämons hit Bowstring, distracting him long enough for a Dämon to stab him in the leg.

"IDIOT!" Bowstring yelled angrily, bucking the Dämon that stabbed him.

"Sorry!" Hand Grenade apologized, somewhat nervously.

The rest of the band got to beating a way through the Dämons. The fighting continued for a few minutes, and was the messiest of all three. None of the ponies had gotten out without injuries, and many Dämons were brutally killed. The injuries were minimal, but still, everypony had them. Twilight had a nasty claw scar on her left front leg, Hand Grenade got a bruise to match the one on his side, Pinkie Pie had a large cut on her flank, Bowstring had about three broken ribs from the Dämon landing on him earlier, Lemon Blossom had been cut so badly that she almost bled out if it weren't for Bowstring and his herbal remedies, etc. Crystal seemed fine, however, but she still had a few injuries, just no blood (cocaine is an arterial constrictor).

"Ow!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, rubbing her flank where the cut was. "These guys are tough!"

"Yeah, dude," Kunai said. "But at least we can get out now."

Lemon Blossom was already trying to open the door, and failing.

"Lemon, you've lost a lot of blood, and that door is heavy anyway," Twilight said. "You sit out, I'll open this door."

Twilight magically took hold of the door and tried to open it. It wouldn't budge.

"That's funny," she said to herself. "This door usually opens with a simple moving spell."

"Zer ist ein reason ve vere still in here, und not downtown," said a Dämon that was still alive. "Es ist locked magicl-AARGH!"

Kunai had thrown a kunai right in the Dämon's neck, officially, and bloodily, ending his life. No sooner had the door exploded, sending dust, splinters, and metal bits everywhere. This was not very good for the ponies, for the splinters and metal were causing damage to them all. A large metal piece hit Crystal square in the head, knocking her out, again. It took about a minute or three for the dust to settle. After the dust settled, the band ran outside of the castle...only to discover that the _real_ battle was just outside the door.


	8. Chapter 8: The First Battle

**Chapter 8: The First Battle**

The battle was raging on outside the door. It looked like neither side was winning. The Dämons had a large phalanx in front of the castle, shields, spears, the works. The Ponies were in small, rectangular formations, consisting of no more than 10 ponies each: an officer, some gunners, and a shield wall. The Dämons were sending pegasi-ish whatever they were called to drop bombs on the Ponies. The Ponies did the same. The ponies also had pegasi armed with these weird harnesses that equipped them with small but powerful machine guns on either side of their bodies, and to fire, you bit down on a mouthpiece. The Dämons had these too, but they were a much smaller caliber and not as powerful. The Ponies were trying to shoot arrows into the Dämon phalanx, as well as shoot the living hell out of it, but their shields seemed to be bulletproof. Some pegasi had gotten brave, and had tried to land right in the middle of the phalanx, and take out some Dämons up close. Those who tried didn't fare well. The Dämon unicorns had been trying to teleport behind enemy lines, and some succeeded (I mean, how else did they get into the castle? Cabbages?). Those who did were easily noticed, since Dämon magic is very loud (by the way, Dämon magic is _loud_). Both sides had cannons, and were throwing hunks of iron and, occasionally, spears and sharp objects at each other. Every once in a while, a small band of Dämons would break off from the rear end of the phalanx and engage the Ponies. This was where the real fighting was. The Dämons and Ponies clashed, and neither side really won these skirmishes, since they took each other out at about the same rate, sending the each other to a bloody, painful, and shameful death.

The group was dumbstruck by the violence that could consume ponies. So many dead, on both sides. It was hard to comprehend, except for Crystal, who was preoccupied with a bad trip from the LSD (that's why you don't do LSD, kids).

"H-h-how could anyp-pony do that to an-n-nother?" Lemon asked, taken aback by the fact that wars were as violent, if not more so, than vets make them seem.

"Answer that later, Lemon!" Rainbow Dash cried, and then pointed. "Look!" and surely enough, there were about 16 flying Dämons in two diaconal lines heading straight towards them, armed with swords, knives, and guns.

Rainbow Dash and Kunai took no time to get to action, engaging in many Dämons at once. Fluttershy had to be covered by Applejack, who was emotionally supporting her through this whole thing. Hand Grenade had taken the risk of lighting off another sticky bomb, and had successfully attached it to a passing Dämon. Crystal was just cowering in fear, for she saw all of the Dämons as flying kittens with dragon wings, kaleidoscope eyes, and miniskirts. A Dämon had managed to get a gunshot out, and hit Twilight in the hoof. He fired again, missing completely, and hitting one of his own team instead. He tried _again_, and hit the ground about 10 yards in front of Carousel Boutique (are Dämons lousy shots, or what! Ponies are no better, though...).

Bowstring eventually took out the last one, hitting it in the neck with an arrow, sending it hurling towards the phalanx.

"Nice shot!" shouted a familiar voice. Unfortunately, too familiar.

"Daddy!" Butterscotch shouted, running up to her father.

"So tha's what she sounds like!" Applejack commented, hearing the cute little filly's voice for the first time.

"I know this is deep and all, but we need to focus on the fight, Commander!" yelled a random pony in Loud Mouth's squad.

"Right!" Loud Mouth snapped himself out of it.

"Whadda we do!" yelled another pony in his squad.

"Lemme think, dammit!"

"Uh, Commander?" Hand Grenade interjected.

"Not now, Land Mine, Ah'm thinkin'."

"But I have an idea."

"Does it involve one of your bombs?"

"Yes, but I-"

"Hell no! Not after whacha did to the throne room!"

"Just hear me out!"

"No. Your bombs never work. Tha's why we're fightin' in the firs' place!"

"But I have a plan!"

"NO!" Loud Mouth had had it. He snapped, hitting Hand Grenade in the face. Butterscotch gasped, awed at how violent her father could get at times.

"Daddy!" she cried, surprised that he hit a pony for trying to help.

"Sweetie, this is none o' yer business. Stay out of it!"

"Actually, it is," Lemon Blossom stepped in.

"What!"

"It is her business," she continued. "She's your daughter. She is supposed to be being taken care of by you, and you're fighting in a war. She has every right to interject. And hear Hand Grenade out. He's been known to be pretty smart sometimes."

Loud Mouth thought about it for a minute, and eventually said, "All, right', Land Mine. What's yer plan?"

"I can make you a bomb that could easily take out a good hundred of their forces, crippling them," Hand Grenade explained.

"How in hell'll you get the explosives!" Loud Mouth snapped again.

"Easy, easy," Hand Grenade calmed him down. "I always carry some explosives with me in that magic pouch that Lemon gave me for my 6th birthday."

"You still have that?" Lemon blushed.

"Are you kidding me! I wouldn't lose it for Equestria!"

"An' now it's gonna save Equestria," Loud Mouth broke up the moment. "Ya need anythin' else?"

"Just some sheet metal (tin foil should do fine), some spear heads, a little string, some pistols (cheap, if you could help it), and a grenade."

"We can get that."

Loud Mouth got Hand Grenade the supplies he needed, and he quickly got to work. It took him about 2 minutes to build it: a medium-large bomb shell with spear heads sticking out of the top and three small fins on the sides. It looked like a rotten fence board that had been shot with a shotgun, trampled by a deer, mauled by a bear, and sat upon by an angry house after a tornado, then smeared with ketchup.

"We're fucked..." Loud Mouth droned.

"Now, we need a pegasus to drop this into the middle of their formation," Hand Grenade informed, asking for volunteers.

"I'll do it!" Rainbow Dash flew forward, taking the bomb.

"Make sure it lands right in the middle of them all, causing the most damage possible," Hand Grenade advised. "Oh, and make sure you drop it from more than 30 meters, otherwise it won't go off!"

"Got it!"

Rainbow dashed off, racing towards the phalanx. She was coming in so close that she could feel bullets whiz past her head. The Dämons seemed to go on forever, from this point of view. She couldn't find the center of the formation. She grew impatient, so she improvised, flying up about 30 meters, and dropping the bomb. There were two problems with this: she was off of the center by about 30 feet, and she was a little but below 30 meters high (remember, I said she was _about_ that high, not exactly).

"Oh no!" Hand Grenade gasped. "She dropped it too low, it might not go off!"

They watched the redneck bomb fall, and fall, and fall, until it hit the ground. It didn't go off.

"DAMNIT!" Loud Mouth swore. "THA' FUCKIN' BITCH! SHE FAILED! NOW THE DÄMONS'LL-" he was cut off by a loud BOOM. The bomb had gone off four seconds later than he had expected, sending Dämons and spear heads in all directions. The pistols went off soon after, and had taken out a good five Dämons.

"That's what the grenade was for, by the way," Hand Grenade explained. "It was for a delay to distract them."

"Why didn'cha tell me in the firs' place?" Loud Mouth said through gritted teeth.

"Ya didn't ask."

Suddenly, the ground 3 feet behind them exploded, sending flying chunks of dirt everywhere. For once, flying debris didn't hit Crystal. Instead, it hit a Dämon. But this Dämon was different from the rest of them: first off, he was a she. Second, she was taller, and very slight. She had a horn on top of her head, and a distressed, innocent look on her face.

"FREEZE!" Loud Mouth cried, and she flinched, terrified.

"Vait, vait!" she defended herself. She looked absolutely terrified.

"Loud Mouth, stand down!" Hand Grenade ordered.

"She's one of them, Land Mine!"

"She looks like she wants to help us!" Crystal added, helping Hand Grenade.

"Yer hallucinatin' it, Stonerfilly!"

"That's takin' it too far, man!" Kunai defended Crystal, who had cowered away and started crying.

"Yeah, she was only tryin' ta help," Bowstring added.

"QUVIET! cried the Dämon. Everypony looked at her.

"I vant to help you," she said.

"Bullshit!" Loud Mouth rejected rudely.

"Loud Mouth! Shut up!" Lemon Blossom asserted herself. Loud Mouth quickly shut up. "You may continue, M'lady."

"Danke, fräulin," the Dämon thanked her. " Ich heiße Stark Licht, I am ze princess of ze Dämons, but I have no control over vat zey do. Das ist mein Vati, nicht me. I vant to help you guys, I hate vat mein Vati ist doing."

"It's not his fault, it's Demonius," Twilight informed her.

"Ich weiß, but I don't like him, eizer," the Dämon continued. "Er ist sehr mean. Er just vants to destroy this land. Mein Vati vill at least spare civilians. I just vant to stop Demonius für jetzt. Vill you helfst mich? Ich can stop meinen Vati later."

The ponies just sat there for a minute. Then, Loud Mouth laughed loudly.

"Hahahahahahaha! Yer funny! Now, whadda ya really want?"

"Loud Mouth!" Lemon Blossom snapped. He shut up quickly.

"She seems legit, man," Kunai said.

"Yeah, she seems like she really wants to help," Twilight added.

"She's one'a them!" Loud Mouth argued. "Their princess, at that! She can't be trusted!"

"She seems trustworthy!" Hand Grenade said. "I trust her, and so do we!" and he pointed to the entire band of ponies, each of them nodding their heads (even Butterscotch).

"Yer serious, aincha?" Loud Mouth asked, still not quite believing it.

"Yeah, dude. We're serious," Kunai answered sternly.

Loud Mouth took a minute to think about it. After a while, he said, "Alright. But if this is a trick, yer gonna regret it!"

"Danke, herr!" Stark Licht cried thankfully. "I promise, i vill not do anyzing to hurt you or anypony."

"Yeah, yeah. Cut to the chase. Whadya wanna do?" Loud Mouth was already getting fed up with this.

"Just come viz mich," Stark answered, and her horn lit up. No sooner had the Ponnies broken the Dämon phalanx, basically winning the battle.

Stark Licht's horn lit up even more, and it crackled loudly. She focused her magic into her horn, and then into the band of ponies. They started to light up, and none of them liked it. It felt weird, not anything like unicorn magic.

Stark Licht focused more magic into the group, and then into herself. She didn't feel anything weird, she was used to it. She focused even more magic into the group and herself, and finished the spell, teleporting them away with a loud bang and bright light.

Loud Mouth's crew was just watching the ordeal, confused.

"So, we're on our own now, right?" one of them asked.

"I think so..." another answered. Soon after, they all started celebrating.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Das Höllenhaus**

With a bright flash and loud bang, the ponies teleported into an empty field. Or, more specifically, an empty airfield. There was a large tarmac going through it, and a large, old looking tower was looming overhead. The field was basically just wheat, and it was light tan. There was a sign that said _'Das H__ö__llenhaus da druben __'_.

"Ok, so what does that mean?" asked Twilight, confused about the language.

"Who cares about that!?" Loud Mouth yelled. "Where the hell are we?"

"Sie sind in ze heart of Dämonland, as you could tell by the name, homeland of ze Dämon race," Stark Licht answered him.

"So, you're a military-based societey? Because that airstrip is _huge_!" Pinkie Pie asked, half dreading an answer.

"Unfortunately, ja," Stark Licht answered, ashamed. Just then, they heard a loud crash, and looked to see that Derpy had just destroyed the tower. She just grinned sheepishly.

"Oops."

"Dammit Bubbles!" Loud Mouth scolded. "Quit breakin' things!"

"Give her a break, Loud Mouth!" Lemon ordered, shutting him up.

"Ja. Zat tower vas sehr alt, anyvay," Stark informed. "Es vas only a matter of time before it fell. Und es ist nicht important to us. Ve're going zer," and she pointed to a cement cylinder sticking about a foot out of the ground.

"What's in there?" Hand Grenade asked, dreading the answer.

"Ze largest Dämon stronghold."

"You want us to go in there!?" Rainbow Dash yelled. "We'll stick out like a unicorn in a group of earth ponies!"

"Just vait. I'll disguise du," Stark Licht assured.

"How!?" Loud Mouth started yelling again.

"Like zis," she replied, and her horn lit up. She engulfed all of the ponies, enveloping them all in a strong golden light.

"Whadda you doing to us?" Hand Grenade asked.

"Disguising du as Dämons," Stark Licht answered.

"WHAT!?" Twilight cried.

"Relax. I'm only _disguising_ du as Dämons, it vill only make you _look_ like vun," Stark Licht assured.

"Yeah, that's assuring," Twilight stated sarcastically.

"Relax, Twi," Lemon told her. "She seems to know what she's doing, and she seems legitimate."

"If you say so."

Stark Licht forced more power into her horn, making it glow even brighter. She then focused it all into the ponies, making them all glow even more. She focused more magic into the ponies, and completed the spell, creating a bright flash.

Once the light cleared, all that could be heard was a bloodcurdling scream.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Rarity? Is that you?" asked a disoriented Twilight Sparkle.

"No, it's my hair! It's _yellow_!" Rarity cried.

"Excuse me?" Lemon Blossom said. But it was true: her mane was a golden yellow color, and her body was green. In fact, everypony's manes and bodies had changed in the exact same way. They all looked the same as they did before except for the color changes and the Dämon characteristics.

"Now no vun vill sink zat you are ponies," Stark Licht informed. "Now let's go. Ve have a job to do, und ve have to do it fast!"

"Good luck with that," said Lemon Blossom. "It seems that the door is locked." And it was: Twilight was trying to force it open with magic, and failing horribly.

"Das ist nicht how you open ze door!" Stark Licht laughed.

"Then what is?" Hand Grenade asked, holding a bomb and a lighter, preparing to blast it open.

"Definitely nicht blasting it to der Hölle!" Stark Licht scolded, making him put away the bomb.

"Then how do we?"

"Like zis," Stark answered, and she lit her horn. She focused the magic into the door and opened it with great ease. Twilight and Hand Grenade face hoofed.

"Can I still light this bomb?" Hand Grenade asked, eager to see something explode.

"Shuddup, Land Mine!" Loud Mouth ordered, and slapped his head.

The group descended the manhole one at a time. Eventually they all got to their destination: a room that looked like a military base fashioned out of an old bomb shelter. All the walls were was worn cement with old computers lining them, and the occasional wooden door.

"This place looks absolutely _horrid_!" Rarity observed. "I simply _must_ help out with that!"

"Do it later, Rarity. We have a job to do," Twilight told her.

"Oh, und I forgot to tell you, but ze spell wears off after about ein hour," Stark told them.

"That would've been nice news before!" Loud Mouth yelled, way, _way_ too loudly. Three Dämon grunts drew their swords and pointed them at Loud Mouth.

"Don't you _ever_ talk to her like zat again!" a winged one told him

"Yeah, got it!"

"Oh, so you must be ze ponies Stark Licht brought back," the same Dämon said, noticing Loud Mouth's thick accent.

"Uuuuhh, I mean, uuuuhh, sprechen Sie deustch?" Loud Mouth defended poorly.

"Relax, pony. I'm on your side," said the Dämon. "Ich heiße Messerschmidt, vorld famous flyer und bladesmis. Und du?"

"Uuuh..." Loud Mouth stammered.

"He's vun of us, Loud Mouth, hehe," Stark Licht informed, giggling at his name.  
"Whatever..."

"Anyway..." Twilight started.

"Ja, ja," Messerschmidt said quickly. "Ze plan. Come viz me." He took off flying and went down a hallway, while the others just stayed put.

"Vell, come on!" he called back to them, and got them moving.

Messerschmidt took them down the hallway, and then to a large iron door. He then put his paw on a panel next to the door, flipped a series of switches, pushed a button, turned three dials, pushed another button, turned more switches, scanned his eye, punched in a code on a number pad, punched in a code on a keyboard, pressed _another_ button, pulled some more switches, scanned his other eye, undid a deadbolt, turned a knob, undid a chain lock, said "Zweikopfe Hund" into a microphone, undid another deadbolt, defused a bomb, shot right through a hole in a wall with a pistol, and turned a large wheel on the door, opening it.

"Why does the door have to be so complex?" Lemon Blossom asked, confused that a door would need to be so heavily guarded.

"Don't you know!? Ve Dämons are bureaucrats!" Stark Licht answered, as though they knew.

"We know absolutely nothing about the Dämon race," Hand Grenade informed.

"We were never taught anything about any place outside of Equestria, in fact," Twilight added matter-o-factually. "Not even one of my books said anything!"

"Oh..." Stark Licht and Messerschmidt chorused. "Now, vhy vould Celestia not vant anyvun to know zat?" Messerschmidt asked.

"Who cares? Why are we here?" Twilight sidestepped. She knew the answer why, and she didn't like the reason.

"Oh, ja, ze plan!" Messerschmidt said, realizing that he forgot all about the plan. "Come zrough," and he motioned to the door.

The party was making their way through the door, when a Dämon unicorn came galloping through the hall, yelling, "Messerschmidt! Stark Licht! Was macht ihr!?"

"Sheiße!" Messerschmidt cursed.

"Warum bist du mit diese... wo sind sie?" the new Dämon said,catching up with the party.

"Sie sind neu," Messerschmidt explained. "Ich glaube..."

"Rainbow Dash," Stark Licht said to Rainbow Dash while Messerschmidt was distracting the Dämon. "Take him out."

Rainbow flew very obviously out of the group and towards the Dämon. He looked at her like 'what the hay is she doing?'. Then, before he could react, she jumped up and bucked him, knocking him out and leaving a bruise on his forehead by his horn.

"Glad ta see that we can still do that," Applejack said jokingly.

"Ok, let's go now," Stark Licht said. "Remember, ve only have about forty-five minutes left!"

"Ok lets go!" Lemon Blossom hurriedly said, and she ran down the hall.

Messerschmidt caught up with her and led the rest of the group down the hallway, which was painstakingly long. By the time they got through, they only had 35 minutes left.

"Why the hay is this hallway so long?" Rainbow asked.

"Don't know, didn't build it," Messerschmidt retorted, starting to get annoyed by the constant flow of stupid questions. "Now shut up, ve are here."

"He got meaner," Crystal said to Lemon Blossom, a little bit to loudly. Messerschmidt turned on her, and she cowered back.

"Listen, du! I suffer from manic-depressive disorder. Ven I'm manic, I'm nice and sarcastic. Ven I'm depressive, I'm a sadistic bitch. A mood sving can be triggered by eizer pain or somevun being really, _really_ annoying! Now shut up!"

Crystal shied away from him, keeping her distance. At the same time, she was wondering why they were in this hallway, since it didn't seem to lead to anywhere.

"Uh, not to be annoying, Messerschmidt," Crystal started, "but where are we going? This hallway doesn't seem to go anywhere."

"Right here," Messerschmidt informed, and pointed to a bare wall.

"Uuh. where?" Applejack said, confused.

"Hold on a minute, let me open it," Stark Licht said, and her horn lit up, engulfing a patch of the wall. She then pulled it out, revealing a large room filled with computers and gadgets. Sitting at one of the computers was something that the ponies were not expecting: Demonius.

"Ah, Messerschmidt," he said, looking at Messerschmidt. "Just the Dämon I was looking for!"

"Ficken Sie!" Messerschmidt spat.

"Now now, no need to be so rash! I just want you to do something for me. Is that so bad?"

"Ja, it is!"

"It's just a simple task: I need a new sword. Celestia confiscated mine and smelted it down all those years ago. You will be rewarded... _handsomely_."

"How handsomely?" Messerschmidt pushed.

"You'll see when you're done," Demonius finished, vagueness oozing from his voice.

"I vant to know how you'll revard me, or you don't get anyzing!" Messerschmidt said firmly.

"Fine, fine. 7,500 Equestrian bits, which translates to-"

"10,000 Dämish Gelde... You have a deal!"

"It was a pleasure doing business with you," Demonius finished, for real this time.

"As long as you don't try to kill me later on!" Messerschmidt warned.

"Don't worry, you can trust me," Demonius assured. He then took a look at Fluttershy, and saw something familiar in her. Familiar... like-

"No! No, it couldn't be!" he said as he was walking out, turning away from her.

"What the hay, Messie!?" Loud Mouth screamed as soon as Demonius closed the door. "Don't'cha know tha's the enemy!?"

"For once, I'm with Loud Mouth!" Lemon Blossom added. "We're supposed to be fighting him, not helping him!"

"Relax! I'm not above deception, und I hate zat guy," Messerschmidt assured. "I'll do somezing to ze sword, like magnetize it or somezing."

"Aw, I was looking forward to actually fighting him, too!" Kunai piped up.

"Vell, I have to make sure zat you vin, so ve'll just cheat a little! Tough for you!"

"If I may intrude, ve still have ein plan to brief to them, Messerschmidt!" Stark Licht pushed.

"Recht, recht! So, ver vere ve?"

"Uhh, you haven't said anythin' about this 'plan'," Applejack said, getting him back on track.

"Oh, ja! Zat's right! Sorry, I forget zings like zat every vunce in a vile. First off, you need to have your forces retreat from Canterlot, and evacuate ze city."

"WHAT!" Loud Mouth screamed, the veins in his neck popping out.

"Hear uns out!" Stark Licht stopped him before he got into another one of his rants. "Messerschmidt kennt vat er ist doing."

"Just relax, Loud Mouth, vas it? I know vat I'm doing," Messerschmidt assured before getting back to briefing.

"Now, as I vas saying, get Celestia to order a full scale evacuasion of ze city. Zis is important, for ve need Demonius to be in Canterlot Castle for zis plan to vork."

"Why, may we ask?" Hand Grenade asked.

"Yeah, because it sounds like you're trying to help him, and that's bad, because we want to live in Equestria, not Dämonland, or worse: whatever the hay Demonius wants to do with it!" Pinkie Pie rambled.

"Calm down! Ve need him to be zer for multiple reasons; you know ze area, he doesn't, und ve know he'll be zer vunce he "takes over" ze city," Messerschmidt explained, calming down almost everyone, except Loud Mouth (but this _is_ Loud Mouth, after all!).

"Ok, then whadda we do?" Hand Grenade asked.

"Zat is up to you," Messerschmidt admitted. "You figure out how to infiltrate ze castle and defeat Demonius."

"THEN WHY IN THE HAY DID Y'AL BRING US TO THIS FREAKIN' HELLHOUSE!?" Loud Mouth lost it, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Look at ze computers around zis room!" Messerschmidt instructed. Everypony did so, and then looked back at him, confused.

"Oh for ze love of Pete- Zis place is ze Dämon Military Intelligence Center. Ve planned ze battle of Canterlot here, und ve still have ze schematics of ze city and castle. You can use zem to your advantage."

"Jetzt hurry up! Ihr haben only dreizig miuntes left!" Stark Licht informed, and the band got right to work.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey, everypony. I'm back! Sorry I took so long to update, but I've been working on other fanfictions as well as this one. I'm hoping to update the next chapter soon, once I finish it. Until then, enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Wir Gehen Jetzt!**

For about 25 minutes the ponies, disguised as Dämons, worked diligently on plans. They had come up with about 10 different ones, 8 of which were shot down, and the other two were being tweaked up and down until they solidified into one plan (note that I don't say _concrete_ plan).

"No, we don't just barge in there! We have to sneak in! I can't do barging in! I'm a _ninja_!_"_ Kunai complained.

"Well, it's the best plan we got, so suck it up!" Applejack retorted.

"Hu, yeah. _That's_ a plan!" Loud Mouth said sarcastically.

"Oh, and you have a better idea?" Applejack queried.

"Wha, yes, Ah do!" Loud Mouth informed. "We sneak into the castle, split off into two groups, hide, and then burst from concealment, takin' out as many Dämons as we possibly can!"

The group got to thinking for a minute. Lemon finally said, "You know, that doesn't sound that bad."

"And that's why Ah'm a Commander," Loud Mouth said proudly.

"Problem is, where'll we hide?" Hand Grenade brought up.

"Now, why would you need to hide, young Dämons?" said a new voice. Or, not a new voice, but one that was all to familiar with the ponies.

"I said, why would you need to hide?" Demonius repeated himself, irritated that they didn't respond.

"Wie bitte?" asked Hand Grenade, trying to cover.

"Oh, I see that you don't speak," Demonius said, buying it. "You should all learn how to speak proper English if you're going to be my minions for the rest of your lives."

"Ok, vut's going on!?" Messerschmidt called, flying into the room.

"Oh, nothing. Just reporting that we have conquered Canterlot, that's all," Demonius said innocently. At hearing that, you could see the veins on Loud Mouth's forehead popping out.

"Damn. I liked zose Canterlot types," Messerschmidt lied, trying to hide his enthusiasm at the plan going in his favor.

"You've never been there. How would you know?" Demonius asked.

"Oh, you know," Messerschmidt went on. While he was talking, Stark Licht guided the ponies out of the room.

"Ok, we're outta there. Now what?" Rainbow asked.

"I have to send du alles back zum Equestria," she answered.

"Ok, then do it!" Twilight pushed.

"Immer mit der Ruhe! I'll get to zat. Just hold on!" Stark assured. Her horn then lit up, shining that golden light everywhere. At the same time, the ponies started to glow, but not like before: this was more of a whitish glow. The glow before had been golden.

"Ach, nein! Ze spell ist vearing off!" Stark Licht said, loosing her focus, and her horn went out.

"What's that mean!?" Twilight panicked.

"It means zat your cover ist blown!"

"Hurry up, get us the hay out of here!" Lemon cried, starting to panic like Twilight.

"I have to vait for ze spell to vear off first! Ozervise ihr vould be gone by jetzt!"

"That makes no sense!" Loud Mouth yelled, attracting attention.

"Oh, horseapples..." Hand Grenade muttered.

"Was machen Sie, Stark Licht?" asked a Dämon.

"Ja, was ist das?" asked another.

"Gehen sie alles! Jetzt!" Stark tried to cover, but it was too late. The Dämon-disguised ponies were now all back to being regular ponies.

"Ich bin tot..." Stark Licht said to herself.

"Uuuum, hi?" said Crystal.

"Ponies!? Im Dämonland!?" said a disgruntled Dämon.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" cried a Dämon, and he then charged at the group. Twilight then put up a forcefield, which kept them at bay. But for how long, that was the question.

"Stark Licht, you need to hurry up. I can't hold them off forever!" Twilight said.

"I'm trying! Zis takes time!"

"In case you haven't noticed, we don't have that luxury! I don't care where you put us, just put us in the country. We can figure it out from there!" Lemon said.

"Ok! If you insist!"

There was a loud poof and a bright golden light, and the ponies were gone, and thus was the forcefield. The attacking Dämons quickly noticed this, and turned their attention to Stark Licht.

"Uuuh, Ich bin unschuldig..." she feebly offered, but the grunts didn't buy it. They took her by the forelegs and dragged her away, to her father for punishment.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: This is _Not_ Equestria**

The ponies went unconscious after Stark Licht had teleported them. It took an hour for them to finally come to. Twilight was the first one to awaken.

"Uuuuhng. Everypony Ok?" Twilight asked.

"Uuuuuuuuhnnnng..." was the only reply offered.

"Hey, eveypony. Where are we?" Twilight asked.

By now everypony had come to, and had gotten up to look around. What they saw was completely unfamiliar to them. There were these really tall trees with reddish bark and needle-like leaves. There were also ferns everywhere. It all seemed peaceful, yet, at the same time, scary.

"I love it here!" Crystal yelled, and she started frolicking around in the forest.

"Yes, but just where exactly _is_ here?" Rarity asked.

"Oh oh oh! This place looks like some sort of forest of exotic trees and other plants that I've never heard of or seen before!" Pinkie rambled.

"Yeah, that's helpful!" Rainbow said.

"Guys, did you hear that?" Hand Grenade perked up.

"Hear what, dear?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah, I didn't hear anything!" Rainbow said.

"Shush, listen!" Hand Grenade ordered. Everypony quieted down, except for Crystal, who was still frolicking. Soon enough, though, they all heard a rustling sound that wasn't coming from Crystal.

"Who else heard that!?" Twilight panicked.

"Sshhhhh!" she was hushed. Suddenly, a thin figure jumped out from a shrub, flying twenty feet, across the field. Once it landed, the group could tell that it was quadrupedal. It held a stick with a sharpened rock on the end of it.

"I would not move, if I were you!" it said. The fact that it had just captured them escaped them, for they didn't expect it to speak at all, much less in English.

Suddenly, three more creatures leaped form the bushes, surrounding them. They then flung smoking sacs at the ponies. They then went unconscious, except for Crystal.

"Ha! It's gonna take more opium than that to get me to-" THUMP! She collapsed before she could finish her sentence.

The group woke up blindfolded, and felt like they were dangling on something. Their legs couldn't move, and felt like they had rope on them. They tried to break free, Hand Grenade even tried to use a lighter to burn the ropes, but to no avail.

"What's the meaning of this!?" Rarity cried. "Let me go! I'm to beautiful to be hogtied!"

"I would be quiet if I were you," said a voice, unidentifiable since they were blindfolded, and therefore couldn't see who or what spoke to them.

"We don't have time to be a part of your ceremony, or whatever you're going to do with us!" said Hand Grenade. "We have to get back to Equestria. They need us!"

"Equestria!? Did you say Equestria!?" asked the same voice, surprised. The next thing the ponies knew, they were untied, and the blindfolds were removed. This is when they noticed how much they hurt.

"Ohhhh..." they all chorused, except for Crystal, who felt perfect.

"Yeah, sorry. Opium will do that to you. It's just a minor withdrawal. You'll all be fine," Crystal informed.

"How do you know it's opiu...Why am I asking?" Rainbow said, realizing what she was asking.

"That was not exactly opium. More like strait morphine in smoke," said the voice from earlier. It belonged to one of the creatures that ambushed them. They hadn't gotten a very close look at them before, and now could tell more of what they looked like. They all had light brown coats, short tails, and some of them had antlers. They had ears like ponies do, but something was still different about them. This particular one that was talking to them had a large turkey feather sticking out of an antler.

Kunai drew a knife and pressed it against the creature's throat. This was followed by other creatures pointing rock-sticks (at this point, they could be identified as spears) at him.

"Look. I don't know what you are, or who you are, but I would like to know why you kidnapped us. And know that I'm not afraid to use this!" Kunai demanded.

"Relax. We were going to make a ritual sacrifice with you, but once you mentioned Equestria, we released you. Now, do not make me regret that," the creature told him.

"What are ya, anyway?" asked Loud Mouth.

"Has your Princess not told you!? I am a deer! We all are!" the deer told him.

"Deer?" Rainbow gave the deer a puzzled look.

"I've heard of them!" Twilight piped up. "But all the books I've read state that you aren't real!"

"Now, why would Celestia not tell you about us? We did not treat her poorly like the Dämons did," asked another deer.

"I'll ask her later. Right now, we need to go win a war and defeat Demonius!" Twilight stated.

"You are fighting against Demonius? Go figure. He was always a brat!" said yet another deer.

"ENOUGH!" Lemon Blossom screamed. Everyone turned and looked at her. "We don't have time to talk. We need to get back to Equestria _now_."

"But we don't know where it even _is_ from here! Or even where we _are_!" Hand Grenade informed.

"Oh, that is easy," the deer that freed them said. "It is just to the east of here, one night's travel. We will take you there."

"Oh. Really?" Lemon asked.

"Really! It is no problem!" he said. "My name is Prancer."

"Hand Grenade," Hand Grenade extended his hoof in a gesture of friendship. Lemon and Twilight quickly pulled him away from this.

"Hand Grenade! You don't know if you should trust him yet! Why are you making friends with him!?" Lemon interrogated.

"There are ways of telling is someone's lying," Hand Grenade remained calm. "There's this look in his eyes that emanate kindness and friendship. The 'ritual sacrifice' he mentioned earlier was most likely just a religious thing. I trust him."

Lemon thought this over for a second, and eventually decided that he was right. Twilight didn't know what to think. Celestia had been lying to her and the rest of Equestria about these other species of ponies and pony-like creatures, and there were probably more that they still didn't know about. But, she had to have a reason for this. Thing is, what was the reason?

Hand Grenade went back and finished introducing himself, and everyone else followed, excepting Twilight. She was lost in thought. She was busy waging a war within herself about Celestia's choices, and she was losing.

"What is wrong with her?" Prancer asked.

"Nothing. She just feels a little bit betrayed," replied Lemon.

"Oh. That is not good," Prancer said. "It is important to have trust within friends and acquaintances."

"Tell that to Celestia," Hand Grenade snorted.

"Oh, well," Prancer said. "Hopefully she will get over it. We are having a powwow soon. We would be honored if Equestrians could join us."

"Uh, powwow?"

"Yes. A celebration!" Prancer explained, almost too much enthusiasm.

"Eh. What the hay," Hand Grenade said. "I'll go."

"What've I got to lose," Lemon said. "What about you, Twilight?"

"Oh, I don't know," Twilight said.

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun!" Pinkie Pie insisted.

"Yeah, Twi!" Applebloom pushed.

"Twilight! Twilight!" the ponies all started chanting.

"OK OK! I'll go!" Twilight broke. "But I don't feel right about it," she added to herself, quietly, and she looked off to the west, where the sun was setting.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Things Go Too Far**

The powwow was amazing! Deer danced, played music, ate, and welcomed their guests. The ponies got introduced to the chief, Chief Lighthoof. He was a large buck, with antlers 5 feet wide. He was called what he was because he made very little sound when he walked. He greeted the ponies heartily, wished them luck on their journey, and went off to the party.

Twilight was still skeptical, and thought that they shouldn't stay, much less for a party. But here she was, sitting on a tree platform, and thinking, looking off to the western sky. She was soon broken away from her thought by a voice calling her.

"Hey, Twilight!" it said. Twilight turned, and the voice revealed itself to be Crystal.

"What do you want?" Twilight said, mildly bitterly.

"You've secluded yourself...again!" Crystal said quickly.

"Yeah. I do that from time to time," Twilight said.

"You should, like, _join_ us!" Crystal insisted. "It's fun!"

"I would if it were under better circumstances, Crystal," Twilight explained. "But I think something's wrong. Something's bugging me, and it seems to be centered around the western sky."

"Oh, well. When you become less of a worry-puss, join the party!" Crystal said. "I've still got plenty of ecstasy if you want it!"

"It's fine, Crystal. Really."

Crystal blushed, and turned around to leave. She soon stumbled off of the platform, and onto another platform lower in the tree. Fortunately for her, something soft caught her fall. It also felt warm.

"Crystal, get off me!" Hand Grenade said irritably.

"Oh, sorry!" Crystal quickly apologized, and got up. Hand Grenade got up and brushed himself off.

"So, how'd it go with Twilight?" Lemon Blossom, who was right there the whole time, asked.

"Oh, it went ok," Crystal replied. "She's still being a stick in the mud, but she's ok. And seems to be much more attractive now than before!"

"Uh. How did she get the ecstasy, anyway?" Hand Grenade whispered to Lemon.

"I don't know how she gets any of the stuff she has! There're no real drug dealers in Ponyville, aside from a few marijuana dealers," was her response. "There's just no demand!"

"Sure there is!" Hand Grenade corrected. "Crystal!"

"Tru-" Lemon said, getting interrupted by a loud bang in the distance.

"What was that!?" Crystal panicked.

"I knew it!" Twilight cried from atop the balcony above them. Soon enough, she had teleported down a balcony to where Hand Grenade and Lemon were.

"Knew what!? And why didn't'cha tell us!?" Hand Grenade questioned, mildly irritated.

"I did tell you! I knew that something was going to happen! I just didn't know what! I tried to say something, but you all just wanted to party!" Twilight ranted.

"Oh..." Hand Grenade remembered what she had said.

"Anyway, that's not important right now!" Twilight continued. "We have to find the others!"

Just then, the platform above them exploded, sending burning wood and embers everywhere. A burning wooden plank hit Crystal square on the forehead, knocking her down. Luckily, she was mostly unharmed, save for a bruise on her head.

"Oh, no! We're trapped!" Twilight panicked. And she was right; the platform they were on had been lit by the one above them exploding.

"Whadda we do!?" Lemon cried, scared.

Hand Grenade looked around for a way to get out. He looked to the left: nothing. He looked to the right: nothing. He looked up: he found an impossible amount of nothing. He finally looked to the edge of the platform. It wasn't burning over there, so he thought he may as well try it out. Without thinking, he walked over and looked off the edge. It was at least a 30 foot drop to the forest floor.

"I'll take my chances," he said to himself, and backed up. He then charged off of the platform, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

"HAND GRENADE!" Lemon cried.

_THUMP!_

"No!"

"Hey, Lemon! I'm ok!" Hand Grenade called up to her. "Jump down! It's safe, I promise!"

"What about the fire?" Lemon asked. "Won't it spread to the underbrush down there?"

"Not as likely as you may think! Heat rises, and the fire started up there!" was his reply. "Now come on down!"

Lemon was thinking it over, when Twilight said "Eh, the hay with it! It's worth it if it saves my life!" and she jumped, leaving Lemon and Crystal alone. They looked at each other and nodded. Then, they backed up a few paces, Lemon closed her eyes, and the two charged right off of the platform.

"AAAAAHH!" Lemon screamed as she fell. She dared to open her eyes, and saw that the ground was coming fast. She panicked on the inside, and it was noticeable to everypony else, for Hand Grenade called out "Don't panic, Lemon! It'll be ok!" But, for Lemon, the world just went black, as she passed out from shock whilst falling. Soon following was a loud _thump_.

"I got her," Twilight said, taking Lemon in her magic and hoisting her onto her back. "Let's go! We have to find the others!"

The group set off to what they guessed would be the east (it was hard to tell because of the smoke). It seemed like they weren't getting anywhere.

"Crystal, can I trust you to fly up and see which direction we're going, and possibly the others?" Twilight asked.

"Uh, I don't know... I took a lot of ecstasy!" Crystal responded. "I can't be sure what I'm seeing!"

"We'll take our chances!" Twilight said. "Go!"

Crystal took up to the skies, flying through a wall of fire, and above the treetops. She could see the sun, but just barely. What also caught her eye was a pink blur fighting something that looked exactly like a Dämon. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, and took another look. Her eyes were not deceiving her: she saw a Dämon. A stream of confetti flying at the Dämon also affirmed that the pink blur was Pinkie Pie.

Crystal flew down, through the burning treetops, and met back up with Twilight and Hand Grenade.

"Which way does Celestia's sun set?" she asked.

"To the west..." Twilight answered.

"Then east is that way" and Crystal pointed east. "Also, Pinkie Pie is that way, and she's fighting a Dämon!"

"A Dämon!?" Hand Grenade asked, surprised. "How!?"

"They probably tracked us after we left!" Twilight said. "Magic can be tracked, and teleportation uses a lot of magic."

"Whatever! We don't have time for a lesson, Twilight! We have to get out of here!"

"Right!" Twilight got back on the subject. "Let's go!"

Suddenly, they were ambushed by a band of Dämons. There were ten: two unicorns, three pegasi, and 5 regular ones. They all had battle armor on: a leather bazuband of sorts on each foreleg, leather shin guards on the rear legs, leather flank protection, and iron stahlhelms on their heads, accommodating species. They all were carrying round shields with a triangle design of sorts in the middle, and swords that looked kind of like scibitars, only not. They also had pistols hanging in holsters from their sides.

"Shießen sie!" said a unicorn Dämon, who seemed to be the leader. Immediately after, the Dämons drew their pistols, and had started shooting at them. It seemed like there was a wall of bullets flying right towards them.

"Eveypony, move!" Twilight cried. But Hand Grenade was to intrigued by the sound of gunpowder being discharged to move. Fortunately for him, the Dämons can't aim to save their lives, and he got off with only a small gash on his foreleg. Crystal, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky: she ended up with a bullet to the shoulder.

"YAAAH!" she cried in pain.

"Wieder!" the Dämon said, and they opened fire again. This time, they all missed completely.

"Cover me!" Twilight instructed.

"Can't you!?" Crystal yelled.

"It's kinda hard when you're trying to protect an unconscious body!"

"Oh... Right!"

Crystal started diverting the Dämons' attention to herself. Even with the judgment of a drunk, the Dämons missed her completely. This still didn't take them out, though, and that was what they needed.

"Anypony have something to get past these guys?" Twilight asked.

"Uh, I think I have a few bombs (go figure), Hand Grenade said. "And Crystal, you have any coke?"

"Uh, I think so," she responded, dodging bullets like a snail. "Why? You want some?"

"No, but I do know what you're like on it!" Hand Grenade said. Crystal got what he meant almost instantaneously. She was known to get very, _very_ hostile when on cocaine. One time, she ended up sending Lemon Blossom to the emergency room with a broken leg and five broken ribs. She then started secluding herself when she needed to fulfill her addiction. She made the exception every once in a while, however, when she needed to defend herself or her friends (hence why she kept taking it at the castle).

Crystal dodged a few more bullets, moved out of the way of the Dämons' fire, and took out her cocaine, a fine white-yellow powder. She brought it up to her nose, plugged one nostril, and inhaled, bringing it in to her body. She felt the effects almost immediately. She started twitching.

"Uh, Crystal? You ok?" Twilight asked her, worried.

"She's fine," Hand Grenade informed her. "She can take enough to kill three fully grown dragons and still be fine. I would know. I've seen her do it!"

Crystal continued twitching for about a minute until she stopped. She then stood still for a few seconds, long enough to get everypony's attention, even the Dämons. They stopped firing to see what was going on.

This was a mistake.

Crystal leaped from where she was, flying right towards the Dämons. She had bloodlust in her eyes. She took a flying Dämon and threw him at another flying Dämon, sending them both flying into the last flying Dämon, who then flew into a grounded one, who accidentally fired his gun at one of the unicorns, who fired a bolt of magic at the other four regular Dämons. The only one left standing was the leader, the other unicorn.

"Tut mir nicht weh!" he said, practically crying.

"Let's just leave him," Hand Grenade suggested. "Let him tell his comrades what happened. If that doesn't scare the bejeezies outta them, I don't know what will!"

They went with that plan, and walked past him, leaving him alone to cry to himself about what he had just seen.


	13. Chapter 13

**_AN: this story will now be my top priority, all my others will be on hold for a little while (it's for the better, half the stuff i'll be putting in the others will tie in with this one, and others in the series [yes, there'll be more of the defenders])._**

**_Oh, and don't question any of the logic I use in this chapter, or the rest for that matter. Ponies can hold guns, that's that. The story wouldn't be as interesting otherwise._**

**_Torsten der Milch_**

**Chapter 13: Coming Together: Part One**

Pinkie Pie, Kunai and Loud Mouth were surrounded: Dämons were crowding them by the dozens. There were too many to fight alone. They out-manned them, out gunned them, out experienced them, as far as they knew. They stood back to back, holding random weapons: Kunai a few shurrikens, Pinkie Pie a kunai that Kunai had lent her, and Loud Mouth with an Equestrian issue Filly 32 caliber pistol.

The pistol was basically just a metal tube with a simple lock mechanism, and fired a single clip. It was very primitive compared to the Dämon guns. Then again, compared to any other guns on the market across the world, Equestrian guns were primitive. They had only recently figured out clips and rapid-fire, and were currently experimenting with the technologies.

Loud Mouth pulled the trigger on his gun, and it clicked.

_ Shit, it's empty!_

He checked his supply of bullets, and found out that he had none.

_Shit! Why didn't they give me more bullets?_

"'Ey, Kunah, ya got any more o' those knifes Ah could use?" Loud Mouth asked.

"Sorry, dude," Kunai replied. "Gave them all to Pinkie."

"Ya gave 'er one!" Loud Mouth ranted. "You expect me to believe that'chu only had one knife on ya! Bullshit!"

"Relax, dude!" Kunai insisted. "We'll cover you!"

"Whatever..."

All of a sudden, they heard a tree fall, and no sooner had half of the Dämons surrounding them been wiped off of the tree platform.

"What the fuck!?" Loud Mouth cried, confused. About a second later, a blue blur had emerged from the forest floor. It threw a large hunk of metal that looked like aluminum foil. Once it hit its mark, it exploded, sending Dämons everywhere.

The blue blur was taking out Dämons like it was an atomic bomb: it just didn't stop. It threw random objects at them, including Dämons, and took most of them out within about 30 seconds.

"Who is this pony?" Kunai said, appalled at the sight.

"Move! Move!" called a voice, masculine, but not to so.

"Oh, shit!" Loud Mouth called out, moving out of the way of the blur. Kunai followed suit, but Pinkie Pie didn't get the memo. Crystal rammed right into her, but Pinkie caught the blow, sending them both skidding to the edge of the platform.

Pinkie got up, and her entire self hurt. She then looked at the blue blur, revealing it to be Crystal. She was twitching uncontrollably, and looked like she was going to explode.

"Uh, is she ok?" Pinkie asked no one in particular, hoping for an answer.

"Yeah, she'll be fine," answered a new voice. Pinkie turned around to reveal the voice as Hand Grenade's.

"Whad'yd she take!?" Loud Mouth asked, surprised that such a sweet pony usually could be so crazy at times.

"Coke," Hand Grenade said matter-o-factually.

"Isn't she on that, like, all the time?" Kunai asked.

"Nope, otherwise she'd always be like this," Hand Grenade informed. Kunai's only response was confused look. He knew how addictive cocaine was, as he used it as a semi-nonlethal method of doing his job: apprehending dangerous criminals (you'll find out more about that later, as his job isn't mentioned very much in this story, save for being a ninja).

"How long should it last?" Loud Mouth asked.

"It's coke. It doesn't last long," Lemon said, apparently having regained consciousness a while ago. "It'll probably wear off in about half an hour."

"Whatever! Let's just go find the others and get out of here!" Twilight said, leading the group off.

* * *

The fillies and Spike were trapped: a platform had fallen, and created a small wooden prison. Spike could just breathe on it, but he was smart enough not to, as it posed a high chance of lighting the forest on fire. All hope was lost between them, when there was a sudden light coming from somewhere.

"Hey, anypony see that?" Scootaloo asked.

"Duh, it's so dark in here, how can't we see that!" Spike responded in his usual, slightly snarky tone.

"Well, you don't have ta be so rude about it!" Scootaloo retorted, annoyed.

"I wasn't being rude!" Spike defended, practically yelling. "I was just saying that we can all see that light!"

"Stahp arguin'!" Applebloom ordered. "It's not doin' nuthin' to us! Whaddif some'n out there hears us?"

"Too late for that, sis," said a voice from seemingly nowhere. Applebloom recognized it automatically, though. How couldn't she. She heard it every day.

"Applejack!" she cried, relieved.

"Yup!" Applejack replied plainly. "Don't worry. Ah'll getcha outta there."

"Not if ve have anyzing to say about it!" called a new voice, unknown to the fillies.

"Dyah, no!" Applejack exclaimed. "Hold on!"

All that the youth could hear was the sound of a hoof hitting flesh hard, and someone screaming in an accent. Then, a loud bang pierced their ears.

"Ha, missed me!" Applejack said tauntingly. Then, another bang was heard, followed by a shriek. "Wha, you little..."

"Ach, nein, nein, NEIN!"

"Get back here!"

"Nein, tut mir nicht Weh!"

The sound of Dämons screaming and a redneck shouting obscenities could be heard for around 2 minutes. Then, everything went silent.

"Applejack?" Applebloom called, worried about her sister.

Her response was nothing.

"APPLEJACK!" she cried out, even more worried. Right then, light started pouring through the walls, blinding them for a minute, and freaking them out.

The light kept getting brighter and brighter, and was covering more area. After a few seconds, the collapsed platform crumbled, dropping splinters, ashes, and charcoal bits on the young. They screamed.

"Eeee! I can't see!" Sweetie Belle cried.

"Ow! That's my groin!" Spike exclaimed.

"Eeah!" Applebloom screamed, revolted at what she just touched.

...

"I didn't say stop..."

"Ew, gross!"

"Just messin' with ya!"

"That's not funny!"

"Shut up!" Scootaloo yelled as the dust was just starting to settle. They could see a ponylike figure standing beyond the cloud. They were scared.

Finally, the dust settled. The unrecognizable figure materialized into... yet another unrecognizable figure. It looked scary; like a bat hit with a shotgun mixed with a roadkill deer, mixed with a house that recently blew up. It had red eyes with blue irises, it's hair and coat were gray, and there were bits of charcoal and splintery wood sticking out of it's hair and tail. It stood there for a few seconds, and collapsed. It was then that the children noticed the red on it's hooves. Applebloom thought about this for a minute, and realized that Dämons don't have hooves.

"Applejack!" she exclaimed, running over to her sister.

"_'cough'_... Hey, sis," Applejack replied tiredly. She looked exhausted.

"Y'alright?" Applebloom asked, concern dripping from her voice.

"Ah'll be fine," Applejack said, putting an affectionate hoof on Applebloom's cheek. This was when Applebloom noticed the blood.

"Applejack, your hoof!" she cried in horror.

"It's fine, Applebloom!"

"Sis, this is serious!" Applebloom insisted.

"Ah'll be fine, sis!" she said, just as she was trying to stand up. As soon as she stood, she fell, and an intense cry of pain followed. Applejack lay on the ground, whimpering in pain.

"Ok, you win!"

"Ok, that's great 'nd all, but how do we get outta here?" Scootaloo said.

"LOOK OUT!" cried a voice in the distance. Suddenly, a blue blur rushed through the branches of a tree, breaking them off, and sending them tumbling down right next to the fillies. Soon following, Hand Grenade, Lemon Blossom, Pinkie Pie, Loud Mouth, and Kunai ran through the recently created gap.

"Whut was that!?" Applejack exclaimed.

"Crystal on crack," Lemon answered flatly.

"Oh... How come I didn't see that before?" Applejack pondered to herself.

"What's crack?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"You'll find out when you're older, Sweetie Belle," Scootaloo answered. She knew what "crack" was: her parents were addicts. This was why Scootaloo could do just about anything she wanted. Her parents didn't even care about making dinner for her: they were too inebriated to care about anything. At least they didn't abuse their child, though. But anyway, that's beside the point.

"When should it wear off?" Applejack asked.

"Well, knowing how insanely random Crystal is, and the fact that she took it over an hour ago, I'd say..." Hand Grenade was cut off by a blue and pink mass falling to the ground right in front of him. "Now!"

Crystal looked like a mess. Her mane was blown back, her face was covered in the needlelike leaves of the trees, and she had bruises all over her body from impacting with Dämons/trees/falling platforms/unfortunate birds/Pinkie Pie from earlier/for some reason an electric guitar (don't know how that got there)/etcetera.

She tried to stand up, but her body wouldn't let her. She was in so much pain.

"Oooh, that's why I seclude myself when I do coke..." she said, before passing out.

_**So, they're together now! The next update won't be for a while, as I've got to write it, proofread it, think of a plotline, get over writer's block a few dozen times, etc. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, though! And I'll probably write a few short stories in the meantime, just so you'll see some of my sense of humor before the new year (or however long it takes for me to update).**_

_**Sorry about the long wait**_

_**Torsten der Milch**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: Hey! Sorry I dissapeared off the face of the Earth! My computer virus protection wore off and my internet has been on the fritz, so I haven't been able to update (seeing as I had this chapter done in early December...). Anyway, I'm back, I'm not dead, and I'm still writing.**_

_**Also, Chapter 15 might be done in, like, a week.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed the good news!**_

_**Torsten der Milch**_

**Chapter 14: Coming Together: Part Two**

"Well, it's safe to say, we're screwed!" Bowstring yelled across one of the only intact tree platforms. He, along with Rarity and Fluttershy, were surrounded by at least three hundred Dämons, and had no way out. Not like they had the manpower: Fluttershy was crying behind Rarity, and Rarity was too scared to ruin her hooficure to fight. Bowstring was just looseing arrows, and praying that they hit something.

Dämon after Dämon threw themselves at the ponies and centaur, only to meet an untimely demise at arrowpoint. Bowstring was hitting his target; there were just a lot of targets. He just couldn't take them all out.

"I could use some help here!" Bowsting called.

"A-a- Have you any idea how much this hooficure cost!?" Rarity cried, horrified at his inconsiderate behavior.

"It's a life-or-death situation, so put your OCD aside and help me, or else we're all screwed!" Bowstring fumed, starting to get annoyed by Rarity's sense of fashion.

"How rude!" Rarity shrieked.

"I'm not being rude, I'm just sayin' that you can risk it to help!"

"I'll help when your attitude changes!"

"My attitude is fine! It's your's that has a lot to be desired!"

"Why you little..."

"QUIET!" Fluttershy cried, getting everyone's attention. Even the Dämons stopped to pay attention.

"You're arguing is driving us apart, and taking away prescious time!" she continued. "Look how close those Dämons are!"

Bowstring looked and saw that the Dämons were mere meters from him, ready to take him out.

"You need to cooperate, and at least try to break us free and get out of here!... Um, if that's all right with you..."

Rarity, Bowstring, and the Dämons pondered it for a few seconds.

A few long seconds.

A few longer seconds.

...

Any minute now...

...

Ok, this is getting ridiculus!

Suddenly, the trees burst into flames, and a shower of metal rains down on the Dämons. Pretty soon, half of the hostiles were taken out. The tree line was cleared, too, and Bowstring could see a giant metal platform floating above them, shooting down in their general direction.

"Dear Celestia, what the hay is that thing!?" Bowstring cried.

"I have no idea, but it's getting us out of this mess, and preserving my hooficure!" Rarity said pridefully, holding out her hoof, and admiring it. "I'll take it!" And she pranced off in a trance.

"Rarity, wait for me," Fluttershy called quietly, chasing after Rarity.

"Girls, that thing's still shooting," Bowstring informed.

He got no response.

"_'sigh'_ I guess we're going..." and he followed them.

It was probably the oddest set of ponies you would ever see: an athlete, a clumsy ditz, and a shy little filly. It was well into the night, and the three had gotten lost hours ago. They had wandered so far that the forest was starting to thin out, and it became a hilly grassland with occasional trees. Thing is, the grass had grown so high that they couldn't see anything.

Rainbow Dash had assumed a position of authority over the two ponies, and was pretty sure she was leading them in the right direction. Problem was, she wasn't. If she would just fly up, she would discover that she was only about twenty meters out of the forest, and she was just leading them in random directions. Needless to say, Derpy and Butterscotch were getting very impatient.

"Are we there yet?" Derpy asked.

"Derpy, for the last time, we're nowhere near where we should be!" Rainbow answered, irritated. "Equestria is nowhere near here!"

"What about our friends?" Derpy asked.

"We'll meet up with them soon enough," Rainbow answered. In truth, however, she wasn't sure what had happened to their friends, and she was getting worried.

Suddenly, there was a rustling in the grass behind them.

"What was that!" Derpy asked.

"Celestiadammit, Derpy, shut up!" Rainbow Dash ordered. "What if that's a Dämon?"

"It is not," called a calm male voice from nowhere. No sooner, had a deer leaped from the grass. It landed in front of Butterscotch, spooking her. She ran into Derpy Hooves, embracing her as though she were her mother.

"Aw, that is adorable," said the deer.

"Prancer, what the hay're you doing out here!?" Rainbow Dash questioned.

"I am trying to find the Deer outpost camp here," he answered.

"You have an outpost over half a day away from your village?"

"Oh, no! You are no more than an hour away from the village! You have probably just been walking in circles the whole time."

This statement earned Rainbow Dash some angry scowls from Derpy and Butterscotch, followed by a nervous look from Rainbow.

"Anyway..." Rainbow dodged, "why do you have an outpost here? It's completely barren."

"You know how we 'knocked you out' when we first met?" Prancer asked.

"Yeah."

"These fields are full of opium poppies, which is where we got the morphine from." Prancer explained. "We come out here to cultivate and harvest them."

"Oh..."

"Derpy, what's morphine?" Butterscotch quietly asked Derpy.

"You'll find out when you're older," Derpy told her. Derpy knew very well what morphine is. She is much smarter then she lets on; she's just very clumsy, and ADHD doesn't help. Earlier on, when she volunteered to join the group, she screamed out "SEVEN, NOW!". She only did that because she wasn't paying much attention at the time, and had recently finished counting the apples she had just purchased, which was seven.

"Anyway, I am going just that way," Prancer said, pointing eastward. "It is not far from here. You should follow me."

"Thanks, but no thanks!" Rainbow Dash refused. "I pretty much have this wrapped up. We'll be in Equestria in no ti-AYAAAAHHH!"

Derpy had grabbed her by the ear, causing her to finish her sentence early.

"We'd love to come with you!" Derpy said calmly, letting go of Rainbow Dash. She took Butterscotch's hoof, and followed Prancer. Rainbow soon followed, alone and defeated.


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: Torsten der Milch here! I just want ot warn you, I may not be updating very often. I'm having a scratch of writers block (seeing as it took me two months straight to write this chapter), and can't figure out a way to put anything that isn't music on paper.**_

_**Also, today is my birthday! I'm 16 now! :)**_

_**Torsten der Milch**_

**Chapter 15: A Little Aerobic Exercise (That, and Some Dämons)**

The fighting continued well into the night, and it showed no signs of ending anytime soon. The odds were just about equal on both sides: the Dämons outnumbered and had better technology than the Deer, but the deer had tactics. They hid in trees, shooting arrows with perfect cover. The sniper's rule, where you take no more than three shots from one position, didn't apply. Even if the Dämons were better soldiers, they wouldn't know where the arrows were coming from. The Deer were also sitting on branches with spears and knifes, waiting for unfortunate Dämons to fly past, to ambush them.

The Dämons eventually started catching on to the tree tactics, and ordered their gunship to shoot the trees. Unfortunately for them, the gunmen on the gunship were absolutely horrible, and ended up taking out most of the Dämon Dreisten Battallion, which was one of the best. With them, the fighting would've been over hours ago, probably at about ten-o-clock. It was now two in the morning.

The fighting was absolutely grusome, and the casualties were great: over 3,000 on the Dämon side, and 230 on the deer's. Now, for the deer, that doesn't sound like much, but remember that they're a small village, that's it. They have, at most, 1,000 bodies. Dämons, however, are "expendable". It wouldn't be long before the deer were wiped out. Luckily, they had an escape plan.

Chief Lighthoof was congregating what was left of the tribe in the west end of the village. His plan was to get as many deer as possible together and cause a stampede from the west to the east. The Dämons would be forced to move out of the way, and any who were dumb enough would get trampled.

Naturally, our pony friends (and centaur) were in on the plan. Lighthoof had actually developed the plan to help get the ponies to Equestria. Equestria was off to the east of the area, no more than two hours walking from the village (probably less with a stampede).

Lighthoof's plan was pretty briliant. However, as with all briliant plans, it had it's flaws, and the ponies were having some problems with it.

"Ok, so let me get this straight," Twilight said: "You're going to make a whole bunch of deer run eastward, trample the Dämons, and cover us as we make our way to Equestria."

"Yes, that is correct!" Lighthoof said plainly.

"Ok, how do we do that?" Twilight asked. "I've seen how your soldiers leap, and we can't do that."

"Just try," Lighthoof responded. "We will make sure you make it out safely. We want revenge just as much as you do, and we know that you are the only way we will get it."

"If you insist," Twilight said sarcastically. She had many problems with this plan: however, it was the only hope they had at getting back to Equestria. Back to home.

Twilight walked over to where her friends (and Hand Grenade, Crystal, Bowstring, Kunai, and Loud Mouth) were waiting. They looked at her with an eager face, ready to get out of this forsaken forest.

"So, what's the plan?" Hand Grenade asked.

"Run and pray," was Twilight's response. That wasn't good enough.

"That's it?" Lemon questioned.

"Yep," Twilight answered matter-o-factly. "Just follow the deer. They know where they're going."

"Is that it?"

"Yes. That's it."

"That's fuckin' simple!" Loud Mouth swore. "He coul'n't think o' somethin' more imagi'tive 'n that!?"

"Loud Mouth, think about it: the Dämons don't know much of anything about the deer. They don't know how to overpower them, they can't outskill them for sure, and they're powerless to a large mob," Hand Grenade informed. "You've seen how Dämons fight: they're soloists! They can't stand up to a group!"

"It didn't look like that in Canterlot!" Kunai informed.

"You have to remember, Kunai, that the Equestrian Army isn't really an army," Twilight said. "It's a defence force, with no real army training. The Wonderbolts get more intense training than the army."

"And you would know this..." Kunai queried.

"My brother is the Captain of the Guard."

"Oh."

There was a brief period of akward silence, only to be broken with a loud, piercing ueulation. Suddenly, a good thirty deer came prancing over their heads, jumping a whopping 20 feet before landing. More deer followed them, and more, and more...

"I think that's, like, the signal to leave!" Kunai shouted over the chaos.

"You don't say!" Hand Grenade retorted, already running. The others soon followed suit, fleeing for their lives.

The ponies ran and ran and ran, blindly chasing the mob from inside, beating their hooves loudly on the ground, which crunched under their weight. The night was full, and the moon was new, so it was almost impossible to see where they were going. All they knew was to follow the mass of deer, and then all would be well. Unfortunately, the Dämons were blindly shooting into the crowd, and had taken out many deer around them, and seemed to be zeroing in on the brightly colored bullseyes. It seemed the farther they ran, the thicker the Dämons got, and the thinner the Deer got.

"We have a problem, guys!" Crystal piped up, watching a deer fall down after having been pierced by a bullet.

"Hold on, Crystal!" Hand Grenade called. He ran to Kunai.

"You busy?" Hand Grenade asked the ninja.

"Not unless you count running in the middle of a massive army of a weird species that you'd never heard of until a few hours ago, all while being chased and shot at by yet another new race, then, no, I'm not busy!"

"Calm down! I have a plan to get the Dämons off our backs." Hand Grenade whispered something into Kunai's ear, and they dispersed.

Kunai jumped up into a tree, not making himself hidden. He jumped from tree to tree, gaining the attention of the Dämons. Every once in a while, Kunai would throw a knife or a shurriken at the demons, incapacitating them slowly. Meanwhile, Hand Grenade was whipping up a sort of makeshift grenade: an IED, if you will. So far, it looked like a dilapidated tuba, colored a slightly reddish-orange-brown, like the wood in the area.

"Ya ready down there?" Kunai asked, getting tired of jumping constantly.

"Almost!" Hand Grenaded called. "Ya think you handle for another minute or two?"

"Dammit, man, I can't do this much longer! It's easier to run than it is to jump!"

"Just hold on!" Hand Grenade started pouring what seemed like gunpowder into his "device".

"Come on, dude!" Kunai yelled, now utterly pissed off.

"Almost there..." Hand Grenade said to himself, pouring more gunpowder into the contraption.

"Hurry up, man!" Kunai had had it! The Dämons were closing in on him, managing to shoot his netsuke, forcing him to grab his side-pouch in his teeth.

"Almost there..." he was putting in a fuse now.

"DAMMIT!"

"Now!" Hand Grenade called, and Kunai jumped back into the crowd, just as a tree limb flew towards the swarm of Dämons, exploding beautifully.

"Don't ever do that to me again, man!" Kunai said, punching Hand Grenade playfully on the shoulder. They ran on in safety from that point until they reached the edge of the forest.


End file.
